Grace
by AddisonSp
Summary: One minute they were on a break, the next... Had someone told them that their lives would turn out like this they would have laughed. Then again, our lives can change irrevocably in a split second, throwing everything we held secure to the wind.
1. Chapter 1

**The plot for this story comes about after reading an amazing newspaper article about a woman in Washington with a similar experience (hard to believe, but true). I went completely into the world of fiction with it, as I found the possibilities too intriguing to pass up. It is out there, but I hope you enjoy this attempt to write something after such a long period of writer's block. You all should be warned I have a tendency for similar story lines… odd, but similar threads… **

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and as of late haven't been able to write them even if I did...

* * *

Swoosh. Swoosh. Swoosh. Swoosh. Swoosh.

The steady noise buzzed around his head, familiar yet completely out of place. Something wasn't right but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. _Where am I?_ He questioned himself silently, desperately attempting to make sense of the odd, dimly lit surroundings.

His eyes had yet to open, but he could tell that the lighting was low. He felt warm, comfortable and swore he could hear the occasional beeping sound and the steady murmuring of voices. That and the steady swoosh, swoosh, swoosh that seemed to keep time with his own beating heart.

He shifted, tried to move, finally opening his eyes. The room was indeed dimly lit, and things seemed odd. They seemed out of place. _I'm in a hospital._ _Why am I in a hospital?_

He searched his brain for the last thing he remembered. _Beckett. I remember Beckett in the car. She was yelling. We were yelling. Why? _The distinct feeling that he and his girlfriend had been fighting settled in on him, but he couldn't recall why. Nothing made sense.

Castle sat up, stretching his back tentatively as he rose. He took a look around the room, noting the people who currently kept vigil. His mother sat on a chair across from his bed, sleeping with her head propped against the wall in the corner of the dimly lit room with pink walls.

Next to his bed was Alexis, covered in a blanket and stretched out on the hospital recliner that was situated between the two beds in the room. She didn't appear comfortable, but was clearly too exhausted to care. The red-head was in a deep sleep.

Another chair was placed near Martha and held Jim Beckett, his head propped against the wall behind him as he rested. Aside from the beeping the room seemed quiet. The swooshing sound he'd heard earlier had stopped, the source unknown to him.

The sight of his loved ones was noted, but what took priority for Castle was what seemed out of place. In the hospital bed across from him lay Kate Beckett, unconscious but peaceful. An older woman, one that looked strikingly like Kate, held the detective's unconscious body in her arms. She appeared to be completely unaffected by the sleeping people in the room as she hummed a familiar tune to the detective. She ran her fingers softly through the younger woman's hair in a very loving manner.

Castle's attention shifted again to the oddest sight of all. There, on his very own bed sat a child. She couldn't have been any older than 5 or 6. Despite the fact that Castle had never seen her before, she appeared to know him. Her calm smile was disconcerting as she stared, her bright blue eyes penetrating him.

Confusion continued to wrap itself around his brain, unsure where to start. _What the hell is going on?_

"What's happened?" He began to formulate a question, but found it hard to speak. The little girl remained seated on his bed, her legs crossed Indian-style as she smiled at him knowingly. Her hair was a chestnut brown, long with a single braid swept over one shoulder. Her giant eyes resembled those of Alexis, the same ice blue hue. He couldn't place it, but she seemed familiar and judging by the soft smile on her face, she certainly knew him.

"Why are we here?" He finally asked, looking again at the people in the room. It didn't go beyond his notice that Martha, Jim and Alexis failed to respond to him. It was as if they didn't know he was awake and sitting up.

The little girl smiled widely, seemingly glad to have someone to speak with. "I wondered when you would wake up. It was getting boring in here." Her voice was sweet and somewhat teasing.

Castle turned to face Beckett again.

"Kate?" He asked, worry filling him.

"She's ok. She's busy right now." The little girl responded.

Again, he simply stared at her. He certainly did not want to be rude or hurt the girl's feelings, but he had no idea who she was. _Is she with Jim?_ He wondered to himself.

Castle stepped out of his bed and made his way to Kate's sleeping form. Aside from her unconsciousness, she didn't appear to be injured at all. The woman with Kate didn't acknowledge Rick, but smiled conspiratorially to the little girl in the room before returning her attention to Kate.

"Is she going to be ok?" Rick took her hand, kissing the back of it softly. He couldn't fathom another day without her and the fear in his voice couldn't be disguised.

He felt a small hand join his, little fingers wrapping around his larger ones. It filled him with a sense of peace. "She's ok. She's just taking some time to figure things out."

"What happened?" He asked the child as she joined him at Kate's bedside, her hand remaining in his own.

The girl shrugged her shoulders, 'You had an accident, I suppose."

Castle desperately tried to remember. He wracked his brain for some indicator of what landed them in this place. Still no recollection of an accident, but he had flashes of memory. He could hear Kate's voice in his head.

"_How can you have no feelings about it, Castle? I'm not asking that you pine after your long-lost father here. I'm just asking that you open up to me. How can you expect me to be completely open and honest with you and yet share so little about yourself? What kind of relationship is that for either one of us?" _

_Ah-yes. _Castle thought to himself. The same argument that he and Kate had been having since Meredith's visit. It always amazed him how his ex-wife could stroll into his life for such a short amount of time and yet cause so much damage.

The damage she'd caused was indeed severe. He recalled that he and Kate had been fighting again, and that it had gotten so bad that she'd given him back his key-and taken back hers too. In fact, they'd decided to take a break. Wrapping one last case up before Castle stepped away. He was hit with the heartbreak once again as he thought of it. Turning to his loved ones once more, he contemplated his current situation. They all remained impassive.

"Why can't they hear or see me?" He asked, looking at Alexis' still sleeping form.

"Because you're sleeping, silly." The little girl replied as if he'd asked the oddest question in the world.

Castle turned to her, confusion evident on his face. It was at that moment that he saw where she'd been sitting. The sight of his bed sent a chill through his spine. His mouth fell open with disbelief because in the hospital bed, he saw himself.

There he was, laying unconscious. Richard Castle was currently looking at his own sleeping form.

"What the? How is this possible?" He asked, disbelief in his voice.

"Your brain is sleeping right now so you came to visit me." The little girl informed him happily.

"Who are you?" He asked the child.

She simply giggled to herself as if he'd told her a funny joke, motioning back to Kate before speaking.

"Sometimes we want our mommies and daddies when we're in the in-between place."

Castle looked down at Kate once again, wanting to be with her and to hear her voice, wanting to know that she was ok. The strange but familiar woman continued to hold Kate as the child's words echoed through his mind again "_sometimes we want our mommies and daddies_." The realization of what the girl meant dawned on him as he watched the older woman continue to stroke Beckett's brow.

He was at a loss for words, filled with such a powerful sense of disbelief and awe. Castle didn't know how it was possible, but there he was-watching Kate's deceased mother as she gently cradled her daughter's body in her arms.

"Johanna." It hit him as her name left his lips. He was filled with awe and terror; awe that he was witnessing this moment and fear of what it might mean. If she was here did it mean he was losing Kate? Nothing made sense. As if reading his mind, the woman finally spoke.

"She's fine Richard. She's just a little busy right now trying to figure some things out." Johanna's eyes never left her daughter as she spoke, her fingers calmly stroking Kate's brow.

Castle felt himself at a complete loss. "I'm so very sorry." He spoke.

He wasn't sure what he was sorry for, and he couldn't seem to figure it out as he thought about it_. I'm sorry you were killed? I'm sorry you didn't get to see Kate turn into the amazing person she is? I'm sorry your killer still has not been brought to justice? I'm sorry I couldn't keep Kate safe as she pursued him? I'm sorry I couldn't keep her safe now? _

As if reading his thoughts once again, she spoke,

"It isn't your fault she's here. You have been wonderful. You've helped bring her to life again." She continued cradling her daughter, speaking to Rick or to nobody in particular, " you have brought her so much comfort and support. I've been waiting for such a long time, been waiting for you to find one another. I've been waiting for my Katie to let you in."

The crux of their fight hit Castle full force. In the face of Johanna's comment, the irony of how they'd left things with their relationship was not lost on him. They'd fought. It was ugly. She'd accused him of being closed off and he'd used the fact that she still hadn't admitted her love as a weapon. He'd even accused her of not loving him at all.

He didn't find it especially necessary to recount their fight and dispute Johanna's last comment, although the fact that he doubted Kate still weighed heavy on his heart. The reality that they might be over hit him harder.

"I never said it would be easy." Johanna spoke, as if to Kate. A moment later she leaned back down and began to whisper into her daughter's ears. Rick observed for a few moments, but it soon became evident that Johanna was not going to address him again. It was as if she'd zoned out and gone to a place where Rick couldn't follow.

Castle felt a light squeeze on his fingers. "She's busy again." The little girl chimed in, alerting Castle to the fact that Johanna Beckett was no longer a part of their conversation. She pushed him back to his bed, "You're going to have to wake up soon."

"I'm sorry, I don't know your name." Castle spoke softly to the child, "and I'm not sure you're supposed to be here." She smiled at him again, climbing back onto the bed before pulling him to sit.

"I'm your Grace and I'm supposed to be right here, silly. But you've got to go now. You can't wait." She shoved him hard onto the bed, pushing him backwards as she urged him "It's time to wake up daddy."

"What?" He yelped as her words filled him with shock. "What did you call me?" He felt himself spiraling back, the room dimming and filling him with a floating sensation. The last thing he remembered was those bright blue eyes staring insistently down at him, her chestnut braid hanging over her shoulder.

"Grace." He muttered her name, and soon he was surrounded by darkness.

* * *

"Chances are they never knew."

Lanie Parish spoke sadly as she looked back and forth between the beds, currently occupied by the unconscious forms of two of her close friends. They were all gathered in the hospital room. Lanie had been able to pull strings to have visiting hours overlooked and Castle's estate was wealthy enough that Martha had been able to use his clout to guarantee that the couple was together.

The accident came suddenly and unexpected. A call alerting Alexis first, along with Jim Beckett and Martha. The facts surrounding the accident came in pieces.

They'd been upstate, returning to the city after seeing that a suspect was safely behind bars in the Catskills. It was evident that Kate had been driving, that the roads had been icy, and that the driver of the vehicle that had struck them was well over the legal limit of intoxication.

The boys had been furious, but used the accident to argue their belief that the couple would pull through. Afterall, you didn't survive what these two had been through to lose your life to a drunk driver. It just didn't happen. This was not how their story was to end.

Alexis wiped tears from her eyes once again, squeezing tight to Martha's hand as the two silently communicated. Everyone was at a loss and when it came down to it, the only one with the power to make any decision was Jim Beckett. They still couldn't believe what they'd been told.

A basic examination of Kate upon arrival had alerted the doctors to the fact that Kate was expecting.

She'd been pregnant. Kate Beckett was pregnant and not a single person knew about it. Lanie had doubts that Kate had known. Now the decision had to be made. Kate was comatose, and a baby was involved. As her medical proxy, the decision to proceed with the pregnancy came to Kate's father.

So they sat and waited. Castle's outlook was decidedly more optimistic than Kate's. He'd been placed in a medically-induced coma for the first few days to be on the safe side while some swelling reduced, but was due to come out of it at as drugs had been discontinued.

Kate, on the other hand was in another type of coma. With a direct hit to her head in the collision, there was uncertainty regarding whether or not she would ever wake. The doctors were less than optimistic about her condition, and urged the family to consider terminating the pregnancy. The stress to Kate's body was simply too great.

"However," the doctor informed them "there are cases where the mother carried the infant to full term-only to emerge from the coma after giving birth." Only a few cases had been reported, but there was precedence.

So the decision fell to Jim Beckett. Rick and Kate were not married, and given that Castle was unable to act on her behalf, her father was left with a terrible decision.

"I can't make this decision alone." He pleaded with Martha and Alexis. Lanie stood and crossed the room, making her way to Castle's sleeping form.

"You both have as much of a say in this as I do." Jim continued, "This is my daughter, my only daughter. But this is also my grandchild." He turned to Martha before he added, "our grandchild."

"What would Katie want? What would Rick want?" He asked.

"You may be able to ask him yourself." Came Lanie's amazed voice. They all looked to her as she stood over Castle's bed. Their eyes settled on him as his voice cracked and he muttered the same word again and again.

"Grace."

**_Yep… I read an article about a woman who at 2 months pregnant was in an accident. She remained comatose and carried the infant to full term. After giving birth via cesarean, something in her body 'clicked' and she woke up… see where I'm going with this? She literally woke up to meet her infant…imagine the aftermath? What a plot... _**


	2. Chapter 2

**I think this story may have sucked me in…writing again! Woo! Your comments are so appreciated! Many thanks. The jumping will continue as perspectives change, but the flow should be fairly easy to follow! **

* * *

The soft voice. She heard the soft voice. Oh how she'd longed to hear that elusive voice. She could hear the gentle tune that was so familiar to her.

_You are my sunshine. My only sunshine._

_You make me happy when skies are gray._

_You'll never know dear, how much I love you._

_Please don't take my sunshine away._

"Mom? Mom?" Kate called. It didn't make sense, but she knew the voice.

"Katie. You've been asleep long enough. It's time to wake up." She heard the voice, growing more distant. She wanted to follow it, but she couldn't. The light around her, that had been dim and comfortable, became brighter. It was glaring and she didn't like it. She wanted to turn away from it. She wanted to go back to her mother's voice.

"You have to Katie. It's time. They're all waiting for you."

"Mom, please!" She called again, pain and desperation in her voice.

"Katie?" the voice that responded was not her mother. It was a man's and it was familiar. _Dad?_ She thought to herself.

"Katie, can you hear me?" The voice was insistent. She could hear him calling, but she wasn't sure she wanted to follow.

"Doctor! Somebody! She's talking. I think she's finally waking up."

She moaned. The light was irritatingly bright now and she wanted to go back to a calmer and more comfortable place. She tried to open her eyes, but it hurt too much. She wanted to go back to the voice. She wanted to go back to her mother's voice. There was no rhyme or reason to it, but it sounded so much like her mother. Kate didn't understand why she couldn't stay there.

"Kate," another male voice spoke. This one struck a chord deep inside her. She would know _that_ voice anywhere. Her heart strongly compelled her to orient towards it and she couldn't resist. She waited for him to call her again, and he did.

"Kate, please love, wake up."

For a moment she was torn. Her mother's voice was on one side, growing more and more distant. She wanted to follow. Yet, _his_ voice was coming from another place, calling her home. She couldn't resist the urge to go, bringing her to full consciousness.

The light was bright and painful. She couldn't keep her eyes open continuously, blinking rapidly instead.

"Rick." His name came quietly and roughly from her lips, a mix between a question and an answer.

"Kate!" This time his voice joyful and tearful.

"Kate, open your eyes. Open your eyes and look at me." His insistence filled her with warmth and she was filled with an odd feeling. On one hand she felt as if she'd just seen him, just been talking with him. Yet, she also felt as though it had been ages.

She blinked. _God my head hurts_, she thought to herself. She felt his touch, gentile against her cheek. Again, she oriented herself to him. She grounded herself in his touch. "Rick."

"God Kate. I thought I'd lost you. I've waited so long. Please Kate." He urged her again, gripping her fingers in his own and planting soft kisses against them.

"Rick." She cleared her throat, and tried again, but her voice wouldn't come. She barely recognized the rasp that sounded.

She opened her eyes in time to see a doctor enter. "Ms. Beckett." It's nice to see you. Rick sat next to her, tears of joy and disbelief in his eyes as he watched her. She was confused by the expression on his face. It was as if he'd witnessed a miracle and she didn't understand it.

She turned to see her dad standing behind Castle, smiling brightly at her. "Hey Katie. It's so good to see your beautiful eyes again. Welcome back to the land of the living sweetheart." He wiped his tears away with the back of his hand and placed the other on Castle's shoulder, squeezing it supportively.

Before Kate could question them, before she could get answers, the doctor stepped forward. "Hello detective Beckett, it is great to finally meet you. I'm going to just check your vitals to see how you're doing." The doctor examined her eyes closely, assessing her level of consciousness. She turned towards the voice that lulled her from her sleep, to Rick.

"Castle." She swallowed, "What happened?" She needed water desperately. As if reading her thoughts, Castle shifted to sit next to her, helping to raise her body and support her against his own. He held up a cup of water and helped her to sip lightly.

"We removed your feeding tube earlier in the day when it was apparent that you were waking up." The doctor supplied, "but you've still got IV fluids. I imagine eating and drinking are going to take some time to get used to again."

Kate simply looked back to Castle and her dad, hoping for some answers. _Was I shot again?_ She certainly didn't remember hitting the ground like last time.

Castle simply looked back at her with wide, tearful eyes. He took her hand into his again and lined it with kisses, "you were in an accident. We were in an accident Kate. You've been asleep, in a coma for quite a while. I knew you would come back to me." He continued to kiss her hand, his hot tears leaking onto her skin.

His wrapped around her from where he sat behind her on the hospital bed. She tilted her head against his chest, letting him support the weight of her body. Even after she'd been shot, Kate never recalled having felt this weak. It was as if her muscles simply didn't work.

"how long is _a long time_?" She asked, her voice still breaking terribly.

She could see the hesitation on his face and it scared her.

"Castle?" She asked warningly.

"Kate, let's get you settled and then we can talk." He helped her to lie back into the hospital bed, using the bed controls to raise the back and give her the support she needed.

Kate was not satisfied by his attempt to distract her, but before she could challenge him three more individuals came into the room. All wore white coats and all seemed very excited to meet her.

"Ms. Beckett!" The woman among them exclaimed, "It is so nice to see you are awake and with us." Kate attempted to smile, but couldn't shake the feeling that she wasn't going to like what they had to tell her.

"Kate, my name is Dr. Porter." The young, blonde doctor came to shake her hand, pulling up a chair to sit with her. "Can you tell me the last thing you remember?"

Kate thought back, searching her brain to remember. Images of her and Castle flashed into her mind. She was a little disturbed by what she remembered, but went with the brutal truth. No pretending what she did or did not remember this time. "We were fighting." She turned to Rick, who nodded at her sadly. He took her hand in his, kissing it again.

"Kate, if I had known… If I had… I love you so much." Her eyes burned with tears,

"Shhh… I know…" She pulled their joined hands to her lips and kissed him.

"Ms. Beckett," the doctor brought her attention back to her, "Kate, we're going to have to run several tests to determine how you're doing." The doctor pulled both of Kate's hands into her own, signaling for her to squeeze them.

"You've been in a coma for quite some time, and you really are quite a miracle."

The doctor looked to Castle and the two shared a loaded silent exchange. It filled Kate with a sense of dread. There was something that they were _not_ telling her and she did not like being in the dark.

"What are you not telling me? How long have I been asleep?" She insisted. The doctor simply turned back to Castle and whispered, "One thing at a time." He nodded as Dr. Porter turned back to Kate.

"You and Mr. Castle were hit by a drunk driver. He hit the driver's side and you took a direct hit. It was amazing that you didn't sustain more physical injuries, all things considered." The doctor paused before taking Kate's hand and squeezing it.

"Detective Beckett, you've been in a coma for some time." Kate could tell from the tone in the doctor's voice, from the way that the others in the room avoided her gaze, from the sadness in Castle's eyes, that she was about to hear something devastating.

"Kate you've been asleep for just shy of 7 months."

* * *

Richard Castle paced the floor of the hospital cafeteria. Kate had just about hyperventilated when they'd told her that she'd been in a coma for over half a year. She listened somberly as they told her that her muscles had atrophied and that she would need considerable time and work before she could walk again.

He was a little glad that she was too weak to move about on her own. She was in bed, covered with blankets and it gave him some time before he had to explain the prominent scar that now lined her lower stomach. _God, how am I going to do this?_ He thought to himself as he walked rapidly back and forth between the coffee machines and coolers.

He'd watched her swallow back tears as they told her about her injuries, about his injuries and about how they would need to do a psychological evaluation, as well as a neurological exam to test her full functioning. The doctor insisted that Kate rest and digest the information she'd been given.

He thanked his lucky stars that she'd agreed. They were going to tell her tonight. They were going to tell her everything. He knew that they had to, not only ethically, but because he couldn't keep something like this from her. Yet, the doctors insisted to do it slowly; to give her time to process it. _How the hell do you process this? _

He was glad Kate accepted the doctor's advice, unable to take any more information for the time being. The unspoken bond that existed between she and Castle was still very much there and he could tell that she knew there was more that they weren't telling her. He silently prayed for her to let it go, just for now.

Again, he paced the floor. _How the hell do you tell someone that they're a parent? This sort of thing just doesn't happen! _If there was one thing that was certain, it was that Kate Beckett was not a fan of change. He was also sure that Kate didn't know about the baby. _She would have told me_, he insisted to himself. She was only about 12 weeks along when they had the accident.

Hell, the week before she'd been out with Meredith and they'd had wine. _No_, Castle told himself, _she didn't know she was pregnant yet._ She wouldn't have been drinking had she known. He was glad she wasn't a heavy drinker, and for everything that her body had been through before and after the accident, the baby was perfectly healthy when they'd delivered her via c-section.

The reality of the situation hit Castle again. He'd been so focused on the possibility of her not waking up that he hadn't prepared for what might happen if she did. Kate didn't do change, especially sudden and unexpected change. Hell, it took her 4 years to get to a place where she was ready for a relationship with him. Add onto that the fact that they'd never discussed having children, or that just before the accident they'd been fighting, and it made the improbable-impossible.

Yet it was possible. It was a reality. _Grace._

He couldn't help but smile as he pulled out his phone, unlocking it to gaze upon the picture of his precious daughter. She was breathtakingly beautiful and although he was biased, he wasn't the only one who thought so. Their little miracle had been turning heads in the few weeks she'd been on this earth.

With a full head of brown hair and beautiful blue eyes, she looked like her mother, with eyes like his-like her older sister actually. He wept the first time he held her. Tears of joy for his precious miracle and tears of sorrow for the child's mother, who might never know the girl existed.

She was small, but she was also premature. The doctors waited long enough for her to be viable and healthy, but not so long that Kate would be in danger of going into labor. So, she'd been born at 36 weeks, and had been home for nearly two. Their little girl was small, but perfect. She was a happy, healthy little miracle with pink cheeks and red lips. Everyone who saw her fell in love with the child that came from such unlikely circumstances.

Grace was currently at home, Martha and Alexis were sitting with the tiny infant. They adored any and all time they had with her and took pride in creating the nursery where Grace currently rested. It was a God-send, considering that he still spent as much of his time as possible at the hospital with Kate.

His time there had only increased since Grace had been born. Castle thought back over the past several weeks since just after Grace came, how Kate had slowly emerged from a coma, spending weeks in a semi-conscious but non-responsive twilight state. He thought back to his days at the hospital, his nights with Gracie. He was torn between the loves of his life, one still comatose and the other so very new and fragile.

Castle rubbed his eyes, swallowing back the emotion he'd been holding for so long. He couldn't believe that she was finally with him again, after all these months. He thought back to the day he awoke from a coma to find that his world turned upside down.

He remembered waking up to face the most difficult decision of his life…

* * *

The majority of the story will take place in the present, as Kate adjusts to life after coma...and the obvious changes that come with that. The gaps will be filled in, a lot in the next chapter, from Castle's perspective...

_**AN: For my math people... 12 weeks at time of accident +24 weeks before delivery coma + a few weeks coming out of coma after birth...She's been out for about 7 months, and Grace was delivered at 36 weeks gestation... Also, 36 weeks is technically the cutoff for full-term, so she is not premature in the sense of medical diagnosis...just small because she didn't get the extra 4 weeks to "fatten up." **_


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for such lovely insights and comments. We will continue to change perspective quite a bit. I do hope it remains clear though. **** There will be some angst, but it will be transient.**

* * *

"Castle..." The voice was familiar and very insistent.

"Castle. Can you hear me? Squeeze my hand if you can hear me." He squeezed.

He then listened to a flurry of activity, all before even opening his eyes…

"He squeezed my hand. He's waking up!"

"Dad? Dad can you hear me?" Another voice sounded, this time he recognized Alexis for sure.

"Give him some space, I think he's coming to." This time it was first voice again. _Lanie_, he thought to himself.

"Dad? Open your eyes please." Alexis pleaded. He tried to comply, but his lids felt so heavy.

"The drugs are still in his system sweetie. Give him some time." Lanie spoke to Alexis.

"Dad, you were calling Grace. Who is Grace? Should I try to find her?" Alexis asked.

"He could have been talking in his sleep, it could just be a dream. Or maybe he was talking about _grace _as in peace. " Lanie reasoned. He didn't recall talking in his sleep one way or the other.

"Hmmmmm." He moaned, opening his eyes to the glaring light of the room.

"What happened?" He asked, looking at the faces of the people who now surrounded his bed.

He took inventory, _Alexis, mother, Lanie, Jim- Jim? Why is Jim here? Where is Kate? _As if she could read his thoughts, Lanie pressed her hands into his shoulder just as he moved to sit up suddenly.

"Kate?" He asked, panic filling his voice.

"Richard, you were in an accident. You've been out for days." He heard his mother tell him.

She approached him tentatively and placed a kiss on his forehead. "It is good to see you, kiddo."

"Kate?" He pressed again, even more terror seeping in. The last thing he remembered was driving with Kate, they were arguing and then… nothing. Where was she? If she were ok she would have been there, no matter how bad things got between them. He knew she would have been by his side. This was not good.

Castle couldn't control the tears that welled in his eyes, "Please." He begged his family, "Kate. Where is she."

"She's right here." Jim took the lead, attempting to calm him by motioning to the bed beside Castle. He turned to find Kate Beckett in the hospital bed across from his own. She was unconscious, a thick bandage wrapped around her head. He could see multiple tubes extending from her body and could hear the heart monitor beeping steadily.

His breath left his body suddenly and he gasped, desperate to get it back. "Richard, take it easy. You've been through a lot." His mother cautioned him as she grasped his arm, insistent that he stay in bed.

"How long have I been out?" Rick asked, searching the faces of his loved ones for answers.

"You were only out for a few days. The doctors placed you into a medically induced coma because you sustained a head injury. They wanted to keep you still and calm while the bleed had a chance to heal and reabsorb..." Lanie paused briefly to give him a chance to follow, but soon continued,

"and judging from the fact that you're speaking and you know who all of us are, I'd say no permanent damage done. They discontinued your medications after your CAT scan showed that the bleed had reabsorbed."

He simply stared at her for a moment, as if she was speaking a foreign language. It was all too much for him to process. He looked back to Kate, wanting to be near her desperately. "So what about her?" He asked his family.

"How long will they keep her in a coma?" He watched as Martha met Jim's gaze sadly. The simple exchange between the older adults filled him with terror. _This is not good._

"Mr. Castle." A tall, older, distinguished-looking man entered his room with Alexis in tow. It appeared his daughter had run to get a doctor upon her father's waking.

"Mr. Castle. My name is Dr. Waller, and I'm the head of neurology here at Manhattan General. It is very nice to see that you are with us again." The doctor shook his hand and pulled out a flashlight to take a look into Castle's eyes.

"Can you tell me your full name?" The doctor asked.

"Richard Alexander Rogers, but I go by Castle." He replied.

"Excellent, and Mr. Castle, What year is it?"

"2013." He answered again without a problem.

"When were you born?"

"April 1, 1971." Castle supplied.

"Great. Finally, who is the president?" The doctor asked the last of his series of questions.

Upon answering him the doctor nodded. "You appear to be alert and oriented. Let's get someone from Physical Therapy in to help you get on your feet. You may be a little wobbly." Castle ignored the doctor's last suggestion and instead directed the conversation back to Beckett.

"Kate." He asked. "Please. How is she?"

The doctor turned to Jim Beckett as if asking for permission to share the details of Beckett's care. Upon receiving a nod of consent, Dr. Waller began.

"Mr. Castle, you two were struck by a drunk driver. The brunt of the impact was felt on the driver's side. Your concussion, we believe, was the result of hitting your head against the side of the car, but from what we can tell Ms. Beckett took a direct blow to the head due to impact from the other vehicle. Her injury was more significant." Castle swallowed back the panic that welled within him as he prepared himself.

"So, you've placed her in a coma to give her body a chance to heal. How long will it be?" He pressed.

"Mr. Castle, we didn't place her in a coma and unfortunately, we don't know when-or if- she'll wake up." He closed his eyes, felt the burning of tears there. Pushing the blankets off of himself he turned to raise himself off of his bed. Before anyone could react he was up, stumbling towards where Beckett's unconscious body rested.

"Kate." His legs gave way, but the steadying hand of Jim Beckett grabbed him just in time, leading him to the chair beside her bed.

"Kate, I'm here now. I'm here and I'm not leaving." He kissed her hand tenderly as he continued to whisper reassuring words to her. He propped himself up against her bed, using his elbows for as much support as much as possible given his weakness.

There were so many machines, tubes in her arms, oxygen strapped to her face, a tube in her mouth, a blood pressure monitor on her arm, another monitor on her finger, a catheter beside her bed, and some sort of belt around her abdomen.

"What are all of these for?" His thumb ran soothing circles across Beckett's hand as he took inventory of her life support measures.

"Well," The doctor began, "we are just monitoring her vitals to be sure she is stable while her brain heals." There was hesitation in his voice and Castle could sense it. He turned to look at the doctor and caught the uncomfortable expressions on the faces of his loved ones.

"What is it?" He pressed them.

Lanie stepped forward and took the lead, placing a reassuring hand on Castle's shoulder before she began. "Rick," The use of his first name was disconcerting, but he continued to listen, unable to stand it any longer.

"Rick, when you were in the accident" Lanie began, but paused.

"That is, the day you were in the accident-at the time." She tried again. Castle was growing impatient.

"Just say it, Lanie." He urged, a desperate edge in his voice.

"Castle, did you know that Kate was pregnant?" Lanie finally got the words out.

He sat, completely blindsided. "Did I know what? She was what?" He turned back to look at Beckett, as if she would wake up and confirm or deny Lanie's words.

"Did you know that Kate was going to have a baby?" The medical examiner asked again, although judging from his reaction it was clear that he had no such knowledge.

"Kate was pregnant?" He asked, amazed and scared.

"Was she? Did she?" He began to formulate a question, but found he couldn't complete the answer. He felt dizzy, disoriented and utterly panicked.

"Kate still IS pregnant." Lanie corrected, establishing that the baby had survived the accident.

"The baby is fine, Mr. Castle." The doctor also interjected, "but we've got some tough decisions to make."

* * *

His brain was on overdrive.

_How could this have happened?_ He was sure that Kate would have been just as surprised as he was. Afterall, they had never talked at any length about having kids. They had only been dating for about 9 months.

Jim Beckett sat with him at the cafeteria table he'd wheeled Castle to. They both needed a minute to think things through and Castle needed to clear his head. The doctor told him about Kate's pregnancy. He told him that the baby, their baby, was about 12 weeks along. When he heard the swooshing of the sonogram he nearly fell apart.

Never in his wildest dreams would he have imagined that such a happy time could be dashed by this sort of tragedy. No, Kate wasn't brain dead, but it did not guarantee that she would ever wake from her coma.

"Mr. Castle." The doctor informed him, "the stress that pregnancy put's on a woman's body is high in a normal situation. However, these are extraordinary circumstances and I must recommend that you seriously consider the ramifications of allowing this pregnancy to continue."

That was the crux of it. A decision had to be made as to whether or not they would terminate the pregnancy. Jim Beckett was beside himself. Under normal circumstances he was Kate's medical power of attorney, at least he had been. Examining her paperwork revealed that the role had shifted to Castle sometime after the shooting, and back to her father only in the event that Castle was not able.

Thus, once he was awake, the responsibility was lifted from Jim and placed back on to Rick. He wouldn't have had it any other way and truth be told, neither would Jim. Afterall, there was no doubt that the father of the child in question should make the decision.

"It is clear what the doctors think." Jim began.

It was clear. The medical recommendation was to terminate the pregnancy. Yet, here they were, unable to give the go ahead.

"The question is, what would Katie do?" The older man looked to Castle for some sort of answer.

Rick was at a loss for words. _What would she do?_ He wished he could wake her and ask her. She spent her life fighting for others. Would she fight for this life or would she fight for her own-for their life?

"Would she say end the pregnancy so that she has a chance to live? To have more children in the future? Would she forgive us if we did this?" Jim pressed.

"What if she doesn't come back anyway? What if this is the last piece of her? What if this is our only chance at a baby? My only chance to have a child with her?" Castle asked. His voice broke, "What if this is the last piece I have of her?"

He couldn't fathom the possibility that he could lose her regardless of the pregnancy, lose the both of them.

"The question is _this_ baby, would Kate want her to live?" Castle asked.

"Her?" Jim repeated. Castle looked up, confusion on his face.

"Her?" Jim asked again. "You said _her_. How do you know the baby is a girl?"

He was at a loss. Was it a slip of the tongue? Was it that he was used to being the father of a girl because of Alexis? Then he saw it. He saw a flash, a memory. He saw something he could not explain. The little girl with bright blue eyes and chestnut brown hair. He saw her. _Grace._ The dream came back to him.

He couldn't remember details. All he could remember was looking at a little girl, the sensation of her hand wrapped around his fingers. It was so real. _She_ was so real, and he knew.

"Grace." Castle spoke.

Jim raised an eyebrow in question. "Her name… her name is Grace." He shook his head in disbelief at what he was saying, but continued, "The decision was already made. Our daughter, her spirit- she's already here. I saw her. This baby has to be born."

**We're going back to present time next chapter, from this point on all descriptions of the coma will be through Castle's memory… and there will be a few more gaps filled in… I do hope you all continue to enjoy this. I'm only flashing back to this point because this isn't meant to be such an angsty story…although some will obviously be involved given the circumstances! **

**Should I re-classify the genre? What do you think? **


	4. Chapter 4

**Note that I've changed the genre to Angst, for obvious reasons. Also, this story is rated M for future content. I didn't see the point in rating it T when I knew the rating would change later. I do promise for lots of fluffy goodness later on, but we've got some stuff to work through first. It is very "Dr. Burke flavored" too…the geek psychologist in me loves to write therapy scenes. I shall not lie :)**

**Disclaimer: Not mine, but aren't you glad? Who would do this to poor KB? Then again, they've drown her, blown her up, set a tiger on her, murdered her mom, and framed her boyfriend for murder... I guess things just aren't a walk in the park for Kate. **

* * *

Tubes, wires, bandages and monitors seemed to be everywhere. She was surrounded by machinery, all purposed with keeping her healthy and stable. Every time she tried to move or shift slightly she pulled on something and she hated it.

Granted, she wasn't doing much moving. She quickly learned that she wasn't able. The extreme weakness came quickly and Kate Beckett soon discovered that her limbs simply wouldn't obey her brain. She would wiggle her fingers and toes every now and then just to reaffirm that she could.

The doctor warned her of the extreme weakness. He told her that months of being in a coma had allowed her muscles to degenerate. A physical therapist was called almost immediately in attempt to get her body moving again. In the mean time Kate lie in bed, still and surrounded by tubes.

She would never admit it, but she was glad when Castle stepped out for coffee. She was happy to see him, to be with him, and was so happy that the pain of not knowing if she'd wake up was over for him. Still, he was tense and the onslaught of emotion that was brewing just beneath the surface set her on edge. Kate Beckett had enough to process. She couldn't afford to manage anyone else's emotions.

She found that she was soon able to remember details surrounding the accident. She could remember driving along the rainy, narrow highway as they wound higher and higher into the mountains of upstate New York. She recalled their argument and it filled her with regret and with sorrow.

"_The point is you let her get to you, Kate." His voice was defensive and agitated. "I told you how manipulative she was." _

"_She had a point, Castle. Besides, if you were so keen on not listening to her, not trusting her, then why did you let her stay with us?" Beckett demanded. _

"_Oh great. Now we're back to this again. When are you going to let it go?" He shot back at her. _

"_I'll let it go when you answer my questions. I'll let it go when you are honest and open with me. Why should this work only one way? I'm not the only one in this relationship with layers, Castle." _

"_What do you want me to say? Do you want me to pine after my long-lost father? Would it make you feel better if I made something up? Do you want me to tell you that I'm incomplete without him?" He shot at her. _

"_I want the truth, Castle. I want you to feel comfortable being vulnerable and open with me." She pleaded. _

"_Yeah, because you're making it so easy for me to be open right now." His sarcasm was like a slap in the face. _

"_You know what? Never mind. Just forget it. I don't know what I was thinking anyway." She admitted dejectedly. _

"_What does that mean?" He asked. When he was met with silence he pressed again, "Kate? What do you mean by that?" _

"_I mean that once again, we're kidding ourselves into thinking that this…thing… is ever going to work between us. Maybe we should just cut our losses Castle. It just reaffirms to me that we need a break." _

The memory filled her with a bitter sorrow and a profound sense of regret. She didn't recall much after that, but knew that those were the last meaningful words they shared before all of this happened. For a moment she was filled with fear, _what if he moved on while I was unde_r?

The thought passed quickly, _obviously he hasn't. He was here with me when I woke up._ She felt guilty for her words to him. It had been moths ago and she understood that logically. Still, emotionally speaking it felt as if the argument had just happened. _He's far more dedicated to me than I have been to him._

Again, she challenged the thought. Truth be told, she knew that if the tables were turned, if he were the one in the coma, she wouldn't have left his side either. Kate had to continuously remind herself, to reaffirm that they were still solid. She resolved to talk to him as soon as he returned. She needed to tell him, to show him how much she was invested in them. _If he's still willing, that is_. She shifted again, an odd pulling in her lower stomach. It felt as if her skin was burning and she was not comfortable. Kate called the nurse.

Nurse Marcy entered the room. She carried a cup filled with pain pills, ready when Kate called. "I was just getting ready to come see you." The middle-aged nurse spoke as she approached Kate. "It's time for your pain pills."

Kate nodded and tried to shift herself in the already raised hospital bed. "Why does my lower stomach hurt so badly? It pinches and burns." She complained as she swallowed the medicine.

"It isn't uncommon for it to burn and even itch as it heals. We can get an aid to come in and apply a bit of lotion and it should help the scar." The nurse suggested.

"Scar? Why do I have a scar? I thought my only major injury was to my head?" Kate questioned. She was confused and couldn't think of why she would have had a procedure there. They'd used a feeding tube and a catheter, but neither required surgical access. There as no sort of port for medications either.

Marcy paused for a moment, a stricken and panicked look crossed her face. "Maybe I should go get the doctor, Ms. Beckett." The nurse was clearly uncomfortable as she backed out of the room.

"Wait!" Kate yelled, "Why do I have a scar?" Her level of agitation skyrocketed. Enough was enough. "What the hell is going on?"

* * *

Castle heard her yell just as the nurse backed straight into him. She turned suddenly, her cheeks nearly as flushed as her hot pink scrubs, "Mr. Castle. I um… I've got to go get the doctor." She rushed past him suddenly.

_Son of a bitch,_ he thought to himself as he heard Kate yell again. "What is wrong with my stomach?"

He walked into the room and sat by her bedside, taking her hand into his own._ Here we go, _he thought. Taking a deep breath he began to speak. "Kate, there is nothing wrong with your stomach. You're perfectly healthy."

"Then why do I have a surgical scar? I don't think someone elected to give me a tummy tuck while I was comatose, did they?" The sarcasm barely hid the fear in her voice.

"Kate, I'm about to tell you something and I need for you to stay calm and not freak out on me ok? I really need you to be ok after I tell you this, because it's big." He tried to prepare her, but from the new expression of panic on her face he could tell that his words only served to increase her apprehension.

The doctor walked in at that moment to find two very frustrated people turning to face him. He swallowed nervously and waited for Castle's cue.

"Can you give us a minute, Dr. Porter? Just wait right outside?" The doctor read Castle's expression quickly and nodded, slightly relieved that he wouldn't have to be the one to deliver this particular piece of news to his patient. He nodded politely and stepped back into the hallway.

Once alone again, Castle turned to face Beckett again. He took a deep breath as Kate tilted her head to the side, refusing to allow him to break eye contact with her. It was disconcerting, as he recognized the technique from countless interrogations. It was now or never.

"Kate. When you were hurt… When we were in the accident… the doctors found something that nobody expected." Her eyes grew wide at his words, the most awful of scenarios crossing her mind. _Do I have cancer? Am I terminally ill and nobody wants to tell me?_

As if reading her thoughts he squeezed her hand reassuringly. "You're just fine, Kate. It's nothing like that." He offered, dismissing the possibility that she was ill.

"No… The doctors… They um… They discovered that you were pregnant, Kate." Her mouth dropped.

"I was what? How?" She was completely blindsided.

"You were pregnant, about 12 weeks. They asked me if we knew and I told them that we didn't. I told them that you didn't know." He waited for her to correct the assumption, but judging from the shocked expression she wore he knew he was right in believing that she never knew about Grace.

"So…" Beckett paused, trying to find the words to express her disbelief. No such words could be found.

"I was?" She swallowed back tears when the full meaning of the news hit her. "I was pregnant? We were going to have a baby?" She couldn't hold them in. The sorrow over what they'd lost hit her full force. There was a baby, a little baby Castle.

Kate Beckett would never have admitted it, but she held the possibility of having a baby, and specifically a baby with Rick, close to her heart. The idea that she'd come so close to that only to have it ripped away was devastating. Castle observed her reaction and quickly jumped onto her train of thought, offering her correction.

"Wait. Kate, I don't think you understand." Castle interjected, "The baby was ok. The baby survived the accident." She stared at him blankly. It was as if he spoke a different language.

"Castle, you're going to have to help me here, because I'm not following." She motioned to her stomach. "Obviously something happened because there is no baby!" She raised her voice, clearly uncomfortable with the fact that she wasn't keeping up with the conversation.

Then it hit her. The pulling, the burning, the scar that had no explanation-a c-section. _No. Just No. Not possible._ She couldn't even think it. _Did I?_ The horrified expression alerted Castle that Beckett had caught on and he simply waited, squeezing her hand.

"No." She pleaded with him. "I was pregnant?" Tears fell from her eyes as the reality of the situation set in. One of the most sacred experiences for a woman to have and she missed it. Castle couldn't help his own tears as the loss settled across Kate's expression. Afterall, who misses their own pregnancy? There was no manual for this. There was hardly precedence for it.

She looked down, unable to meet Castle's eyes as she stared at where he rubbed soothing circles on the back of her hand. "What happened to it?" She couldn't bear to imagine.

"She, Kate, not it-She. The baby is a girl. Her name is Grace and she's perfect." He supplied gently.

"She survived?" Kate looked incredulously, finally meeting Castle's gaze.

"She did." He couldn't keep the smile from his face as he pulled out his phone.

He explained to Kate how they'd delivered her weeks ago, how she was happy and healthy and currently at home with her grandma. Kate wiped her tears with the back of her hand as she gazed at the picture on the phone. She was indeed a beautiful baby, but it was all surreal.

She pushed the phone back to him and looked away, grabbing for a tissue to wipe her eyes.

"Kate?" He questioned her, unsure how to read her reaction. He'd been gushing about their perfect girl and Kate had simply withdrawn into herself.

"Castle, I'm really tired right now. I think I need to get some rest." She left him to take his cue as she continued to gaze at the wall._ How could this have happened? I am a mother and didn't even know I was pregnant. I don't know my child. How could this have happened? _She silently wondered. The grief was overwhelming.

* * *

"Hey kiddo. How did Beckett take the news?" Martha approached him cautiously later that evening when he returned to the loft to shower and change. Alexis turned to face him curiously as both women waited for his response. Grace lie peacefully in Alexis' arms, nursing a bottle fervently.

One thing that could be said for Grace was that she was quite the eater. It was one of the reasons that she'd been able to go home so early. She was gaining weight at a steady rate. Castle approached Alexis and motioned for his older daughter to hand over his youngest daughter. She passed the fluffy white blanket which contained her sister carefully.

"Hello, my heart." Rick lined gentle kisses on the soft cheeks of the infant. "Did you have a good day?" He asked her softly.

Alexis and Martha shared a meaningful glance at his obvious avoidance of their question.

"Did you tell her, dad?" Alexis pressed.

He sighed heavily, not taking his eyes from Grace's face. "Yes. I told her." He supplied.

"and?" Martha urged more details from her son.

"and?" He hesitated, "and she was shocked. She was devastated and she pulled back. I don't know what I was expecting." The defeat in his voice was obvious.

"Richard." Martha's voice softened, "She just woke up from a coma and she's had motherhood thrust on her. Give the girl some time to adjust."

"She didn't even ask to see her." He looked desperately at his mother, holding Grace a little more securely against him.

"Please Richard, don't push her on this one. She will in time, trust me." She squeezed Castle's arm reassuringly.

Alexis approached and kissed her dad on the cheek. She then moved to kiss Grace on the cheek as well. "Dad, it is physically impossible to not fall in love with her. Kate will be crazy about my baby sister in no time."

Castle smiled thankfully at his daughter, appreciative that she was so willing make him feel better. _I pray that she's right_, he thought to himself.

* * *

_You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. _

_You make me happy when skies are gray. _

_You'll never know dear, how much I love you. _

_Please don't take my sunshine away. _

Kate smiled softly at her mother as she sang. Johanna Beckett always had a beautiful voice. It was actually a trait that she'd passed on to her daughter, although few people had the privilege to know that. She sighed, filled with an inner peace as she listened to her mom sing the old song.

_The other night dear_

_as I lay sleeping _

_I dreamed I held you in my arms _

_When I awoke dear _

_I was mistaken _

_And I held my head and cried. _

Kate was looked down to find she was holding a small bundle. She was holding a baby girl. She knew it was her daughter but she felt nothing. She looked at the infant as if it were some stranger, the emptiness penetrating her.

"How could you Katie?" She looked back up at her mother suddenly. Her face filled with utter grief and disappointment. "What kind of mother doesn't love her own daughter?"

Kate woke suddenly, her heart beating rapidly. Tears fell as she tried to catch her breath. _Oh my God!_ She thought to herself. _What kind of person am I? What if I don't love her?_ She tried to control her breathing, to get a grip on herself but found that she couldn't. The sobs soon alerted the sleeping man beside her.

One look and Castle knew. He knew that it finally hit her. He sadly crawled into bed beside her and cradled her in his arms. He placed soothing kisses along her brow, "Shhhh." He calmed her, holding tight to her body as she sobbed. "I've got you." He promised, stroking his fingers through her dark hair.

"I'm not ready Castle." She admitted, sorrow and defeat in her voice.

"It's ok Kate. We will wait until you are ready. Everything is going to be ok." He rocked her body rhythmically as her sobs subsided.

"Shhh. I promise it will be ok. I promise that we will be ok. You'll see. You'll see how beautiful she is and you'll love her." He promised Kate with his words.

She nodded but remained silent, her biggest fear echoing through her head, _but what if I don't?_

* * *

**Ok. So I am not a parent, but I am familiar with the transition into parenthood from a psychological perspective. I know that it is very common for expecting parents to worry that they will not love their children. It is a type of love that I am told we cannot fathom until we experience it. It is even more common for mothers to worry that they won't love their other children as much as the first. Although this is Kate's first child, I'm trying to tap into this type of fear in general-the fear of 'not being right' or 'not loving enough' with Kate. Afterall, she's had zero time to adjust or prepare for becoming a parent. We'll have a visit from Dr. Burke in the future, as well as a resolution that I'm super excited to write. I've already got the scene in my head. **

**My apologies for the tears, but to write a fluffy scene off the bat seemed inauthentic to the situation. **


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's note: The last scene of this chapter might be the most intense scene I've written (in a good way), emotionally speaking. I'm not sure why, but it hit me. It was written around a song, the scene played out in my head as I listened to it. If I could, I would use this song to make a video or something, as it would be character-oriented. I wish I had the ability to do so, but I am not technologically savvy and pretty sure I don't have the necessary software. The song is "I won't give up" by Jason Mraz, and I highly recommend you look it up in order to get the full feel of the chapter. **

**Please review, even if you have not in the past. I'm a bit nervous!**

* * *

It wasn't long before Kate fell asleep, having exhausted herself sobbing in Castle's arms. She cried for her child, for the time that she'd missed. She never felt her stomach grow large, never experienced life moving within her. There were no little kicks, no sonograms and guessing the sex of their baby. She missed out on decorating the nursery, on buying tiny clothing and picking names with Rick. There was no shower, no reading of baby books. A coma had taken away one of the most sacred experiences that Kate could have had.

Castle was helpless to watch her as she fell apart, knowing that she needed this release. What he hadn't expected was Kate's request of him.

"I don't want my daughter in this hospital." She wiped her tears with the back of her hand and inhaled sharply, attempting to gain control of her breathing again.

"It is going to be a while before you can come home, Kate. I don't think that it is realistic to-" He didn't have the chance to finish his statement, as Beckett cut him off.

"Castle, she's already been through hell. She's already lost out on so much, we both have. I don't want her in this place." Her insistence quieted Castle, who couldn't comprehend how she could insist on something that would prevent her from seeing Grace.

The following days passed and Beckett did not relent. She focused on healing, on gaining her strength. She spent a good amount of time in therapy as well, Dr. Burke visiting her at the hospital to help her work through all that accompanied having motherhood thrust upon her in such a way.

Much to Castle's chagrin, Kate remained fairly neutral where Gracie was concerned. She asked about her regularly, listened to stories and saw pictures. However, she insisted that the girl not come to the hospital. It was as if they were talking about someone else's child.

"I don't want my baby exposed to all of the horrible things that people pick up in hospitals." She argued. "I would rather focus on getting my strength back so that I can go to her." Her reasoning seemed sound, but Castle couldn't help but wonder if Kate was avoiding Grace. He couldn't imagine going more than a day without seeing his daughter and couldn't fathom how or why Kate could do it.

All Castle knew was that Kate was missing out on the opportunity to bond with their daughter. He questioned Dr. Burke, but the therapist insisted that Kate take the lead, that she ease into her new role. Castle was assured that what Kate was experiencing was fairly normal, and that she needed time. So he waited patiently.

* * *

She wanted out. At the very least she wanted to be in an environment where she wasn't awakened in the middle of the night by meddling nurses who insisted on checking her vital signs. It amazed Kate that there was so much intrusion in a place that was supposedly designated for rest and healing. Restful was the last thing that Kate felt and she wanted to get the hell away from the hospital.

At the same time, she wasn't ready to go home. She wasn't ready for everything that came along with being back at the loft with Castle. It wasn't just Grace bothering her either. Soon after Kate awoke she'd been informed by her father that her living circumstances had dramatically changed.

"We had to give up your apartment, Katie." He admitted sadly.

"I couldn't afford to keep the monthly rent payments, and although Rick offered to help, I declined." Jim Beckett laughed softly to himself as he spoke, "I could just see your face, Katie. I could see how much you would have lost it had I allowed him to pay your bills for you."

Beckett smiled, glad that her father knew her so well. There was absolutely no way she would have allowed Castle to pay her bills and she was grateful that her father made a decision that she was comfortable with. She nodded at him, a smile of gratitude on her face.

"I'm glad you stuck to your guns, dad." She offered.

Jim Beckett smiled at his daughter, but hesitated for a moment before he spoke, "Well, he wasn't happy. We had to compromise." He admitted.

_Ah, that sounds more like it_. Kate thought wryly to herself. Afterall, they were talking about a man who threw over 100, 000 dollars at a chance to catch her mom's killer. Money wasn't exactly an object of concern for Castle.

"What did he do?" Kate asked, unsure that she wanted to hear the answer.

"Let's just say he financed putting your things in storage." Her father's words were cryptic, at best.

"Meaning what dad?" Kate pressed.

"Meaning that your things are all at the loft." Jim admitted.

"He moved me in?" She was at a loss, shock and disbelief in her tone.

The timing seemed perfect, as in that moment Castle strolled into her hospital room, hands in the air defensively as he joined the conversation he'd obviously heard.

"Hey, your boxes are in my spare room. We needed storage space and I had it. I simply figured you would have easier access if they were close. Not to mention I could be sure that they were protected in safe with me, as opposed to some storage space." He was defensive, but clearly unapologetic.

Kate closed her eyes tightly, pinching the bridge of her nose as she let the fact that she was now a transient, that she was homeless, sink in.

"I promise I'll move my stuff as soon as I am able-" She began to offer, but Castle interjected.

"Why? It isn't bothering anyone. Besides, where would you go? Grace is with me."

Kate did not appreciate feeling as if the decision to move in with Castle had been made without her, but considering the circumstances she didn't see much other choice. _What the hell am I going to do now? _She thought to herself, _Castle and I are not ready for this._ Again she was struck by the intensity of the situation.

_But we have a baby now. _

* * *

Despite the fact that they were now parents, that they had created life together, Kate still remained fairly uptight around Castle. She allowed him to be there with her, to help her in her recovery. Yet she no longer felt as if she knew how to be in a relationship with him. Things were confusing before the accident, before the coma, before Grace. Now she had no idea how to be with him, no idea what they were and what it all meant.

Castle didn't push her. He waited patiently for her to settle into some form of routine, to become comfortable with him again. It was a feat of emotional strength he didn't know he was capable of. Afterall, in the months since the accident he'd sat with her every day.

He guarded her bedside, caressing her brow and holding her hand. He would press his lips lightly against hers and wait, hope for the time when she would wake to return the affection. He missed her smile, her touch and her warmth. He missed how they were together, how they caressed, he missed making love to her.

Needless to say, he had never considered that she would wake up only to withdraw from him. Still, after she did return, he waited. He gave her the time and space she needed. Instead of slow and passionate kissing, gentle pecks to her forehead and cheeks were all he gave; reassuring squeezes to her arms instead of loving embraces, making conversation instead of making love.

Patiently and painfully, Richard Castle waited for her.

* * *

The days passed and when Kate was able, she was transferred to a rehabilitation center. Again, Castle raised the idea of bringing Grace to Kate, and again she declined.

"Castle I want to be strong enough to care for her when I see her." She reasoned with him.

He wasn't buying it, but once again, allowed her to take the lead. Grace was surrounded by the love of her sister and grandmother, and he was once again reassured by Dr. Burke that she was still young enough, that there was still time for Kate to establish a healthy attachment bond with the girl before she grew too much older.

"Infants don't experience separation anxiety until much later, Mr. Castle. As long as she has a stable routine, is responded to in a sensitive and appropriate manner, and is provided with plenty of warm physical contact and soothing, Grace will be just fine waiting a few more days or even weeks."

It didn't sit right with Castle. _What mother doesn't want to be with her baby? _

"I know that this is difficult for you, but please try to remember how much Kate is trying to deal with." Dr. Burke pressed, "She is handling this all very well considering the unique and extreme nature of the circumstances."

As for Kate, she spent an hour each day in therapy with Dr. Burke. He recommended journaling as a method of processing the many emotions that she struggled with. When she was overwhelmed with anger over missing out on so much of her life she wrote in her journal. When she struggled with sadness, grief and fear over her perceived inability to mother, she wrote it down. When she grappled with the confusing feelings she had about her relationship with Castle, with how quickly things had moved forward, she wrote that down too.

She knew that Castle struggled. He couldn't understand how she could process becoming a mother without actually seeing Grace. Truth be told, Kate didn't understand it either. She felt horrible, she felt guilty, and she felt inadequate. Yet the discomfort she felt over not seeing her daughter paled in comparison to the sheer terror she felt at the prospect of being a bad mother.

_What if I hurt her? What if I take one look at her and want nothing to do with motherhood? What if I feel nothing? She would know. She would never recover. I lost my mother and I nearly didn't recover. How could I do that to my baby? _

It didn't matter that her fears were absurd. It didn't matter that Grace was too young to comprehend much of anything on a conscious level. Kate's fear was very real and it prohibited her from being able to focus on anything other than getting stronger.

So she threw herself into her physical therapy. She focused on eating and drinking normally, on putting the work in to her recovery. _This_, Kate thought in relation to her body, _I can control._ _I've got this. _

As time continued to pass and Kate settled into the rehabilitation center, Castle once again pressed Kate.

"Don't you want to see Grace?" He blatantly questioned her one rainy morning after physical therapy.

She considered him for a moment before answering, "Rick, did it ever occur to you that maybe I'm not cut out to be a mother?" He was shocked because in all honesty, it has not crossed his mind.

"No, Beckett… and I still won't consider it because it is ridiculous. You will be a fantastic mom. You're caring, compassionate, warm, protective and wise. It would not be possible for you to be anything but spectacular at motherhood." He answered her honestly, hoping that she would take his words to heart. His voice softened as he continued.

"Grace is going to love you, Kate. She is going to be crazy about you, just like I am."

She raised herself from her bed suddenly. Grasping her wheelchair, she transferred herself out of bed and prepared to move. She wheeled herself towards the door and motioned for Castle to not follow her. Before she left the room she turned back to look at him,

"Yeah, maybe she will love me. Did it ever occur to you that maybe I couldn't love her? I don't know her, I missed out on the chance to bond with her. So what if_ I_ can't love _her_?"

The pain in her eyes was cutting as she finally gave Castle an honest answer, "Forgive me if I'm not willing to put her through something like that just yet."

When she was gone Castle rubbed his temples, closing out the headache that was descending upon him. _This has got to stop_, he thought to himself, _and Dr. Burke be damned- I know the solution_. He resolved himself to do what needed to be done, even if the result was Kate Beckett hating him for it.

* * *

His heart beat rapidly as he opened the door to Kate's room later that afternoon, Alexis behind him quietly holding Grace in her arms. Beckett rested quietly in her bed, the head raised so that she could be upright while writing in the journal Dr. Burke had provided. She seemed to be fairly comfortable, all things considered. Upon his entrance she shifted her gaze from the journal to Castle. _Now or never_, he told himself.

"Kate, there is someone here that has been waiting to meet you. I think it's time." He volunteered firmly as he approached. He could see her body tense when she caught a glimpse of the tiny bundle of blankets. Alexis passed Grace to her father, but before Castle could present Kate her daughter the detective turned away, using her need to put the journal away as an excuse to shift away.

However, the motion did not deter Castle and he simply continued with his plan.

Panic filled Kate. She wasn't ready and she couldn't believe he was pushing her. She couldn't believe he would force her in such a way. Never in all their time together had Castle ever overstepped in such a way. She was overwhelmed, her body shaking with the fear and tension. "What the hell are you doing, Rick?" She whispered, her voice was unsteady, shaking with fear. She wrapped her arms around her body, as if to cradle herself.

Taking her cue, Alexis made to leave the room. However, before she exited she stopped at the stereo they'd placed in the room. Selecting a specific tune from Kate's ipod, she pressed play. A soothing and familiar melody filled the room.

With her eyes averted, Kate felt rather than saw Castle sit down beside her. She then felt a warm weight on her lap, supported by Castle's arm. Kate took a deep breath, allowing herself to feel the solid warm weight that Castle placed in her arms. As if acting on their own accord, her arms responded and she held on. Still, she didn't look.

"Please Kate. Please, trust me." His words implored her. She swallowed back tears, trembling as the emotions she'd suppressed since learning she was a mother, since learning of all she'd been through surfaced.

"Kate, open your eyes and look at her. Trust me. Trust yourself, love."

So she did. With a single breath, she dove into the deep end. Kate Beckett opened her eyes and looked down. When she did, she was met by the bluest pair of eyes she'd ever encountered. Her beautiful baby girl stared back up at her, soft pink cheeks, chestnut brown hair, and in that instant Kate was overcome. She exhaled powerfully, her sigh filling the room. Her breath left her body and was replaced with a powerful wave of love. A single tear fell as the gentle strum of a guitar from the stereo seemed to fill the room.

_**When I look into your eyes  
It's like watching the night sky  
Or a beautiful sunrise  
There's so much they hold**_

She laughed out loud in wonder. Never had Kate ever experienced anything as powerful as the love that moved within her for the tiny person in her arms. She lifted the girl to her and inhaled her scent, somehow familiar already. The baby was warm and soft and soon the sensation spread, filling Kate with warmth as well.

Her fears subsided as she looked in those blue eyes, the insecurities fell away and all that was left was love. It was a strange, new love; one that brought with it a profound sense of protectiveness.

She couldn't help but laugh with relief, tears of joy beginning to fall. "Hello, sweet baby girl." She laughed with wonder. "I had no idea."

Indeed, Kate never could have imagined feeling this way. There was no emptiness, but in contrast a profound sense of fulfillment. She saw Castle in her baby girl. She saw all of the things that made her fall in love with him. Kate saw the both of them in Grace, and it was as if she'd been reborn. It was as if she'd been given a new heart, a precious gift that was only for her and Castle. It was a gift to protect and cherish, and in that moment Kate's life had purpose like never before.

_**And just like them old stars  
I see that you've come so far  
To be right where you are  
How old is your soul?**_

The music continued to fill the room, weaving in with her emotions, with the moment. For the first time in her life Kate Beckett felt as if she'd been given the profound answer to a question that she'd never even known to ask. The gratitude was overwhelming.

_**I won't give up on us  
Even if the skies get rough  
I'm giving you all my love  
I'm still looking up**_

Richard Castle had been witness to some pretty amazing things in his life. However, the moment he saw Kate receive her daughter was beyond any other. His heart overflowed with relief, knowing that his decision was right, knowing that they were going to be ok. It was as if he was seeing Kate Beckett for the first time all over again.

_**And when you're needing your space  
To do some navigating  
I'll be here patiently waiting  
To see what you find**_

_**'Cause even the stars they burn  
Some even fall to the earth  
We've got a lot to learn  
God knows we're worth it  
No, I won't give up**_

He thought back on their relationship, on everything they'd been through, not only in the last months, but in the four years they'd been together. He saw the younger woman he'd first encountered at a launch party again, he remembered the fire in her eyes that captivated him from their very first case. He saw their past, all of the struggles and pain, all of the close calls and heartaches. In the face of everything, Richard Castle had no regrets. He knew that it was all worth it, and that it was all leading to this moment. He knew that he would have done it all again. He'd wait years and years more for her. She was the love of his life. He also saw their future in that moment, in Grace he saw the profound way that their lives would always be linked.

_**I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily  
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make  
Our differences they do a lot**_

_**to teach us how to use the tools and gifts we got, **_

_**yeah, we got a lot at stake  
And in the end, you're still my friend**_

_**at least we did intend ****for us to work**_

_**we didn't break, we didn't burn**_

_**We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in  
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not, **_

_****__and who I am_  


Kate finally looked up from her daughter, the love radiating from her. When she looked at Castle her expression was one of pure joy and wonder. He saw something there he'd never seen before. It was something that he couldn't quite identify. Whatever it was, he knew that it was just for him, for them. It was an acknowledgement that together they'd created life, and that it was beautiful.

In that moment he finally let go of the fear and anxiety. He let go of the second guessing, knowing that he'd made the right decision in bringing Grace to her mother.

With her absolution he finally allowed himself to feel the fear, the grief, the wonder, the relief and the joy. Somehow, in that moment he knew that they were going to be ok. They were going to be a family._**  
**_  
_**I won't give up on us  
Even if the skies get rough  
I'm giving you all my love  
I'm still looking up, still looking up.**_

_**I won't give up on us**_  
_**God knows I'm tough enough**_  
_**We've got a lot to learn**_  
_**God knows we're worth it**_

Kate cradled Grace securely against her body with one arm and used the other to pull Castle close to her. He went willingly, brushing his nose against hers as they allowed themselves to become lost in each other for the first time since the terrible day that pulled them apart. Soon their lips met, and Castle could feel her smiling against him as they kissed softly yet completely.

_**I won't give up on us  
Even if the skies get rough  
I'm giving you all my love  
I'm still looking up**_

He could feel her breath against his skin as he heard her whisper,

"Thank you Castle. She's perfect."

* * *

**AN: Aaah. So many feelings! **

**I understand and respect that many of you would not have written Kate's reaction this way. Many would say that she would need to see Grace sooner. Kate is a control freak. However, she is an avoidant control freak and when things get rough she down-shifts and avoids. Using past behavior, I projected this reaction. I hope it at least seems realistic, as organic and authentic was the goal. **** In the mean time, I love reading about your take on how she would react when you provide it. So thank you! **

**Also, congratulations on making it past the heavy angst! Aside from relationship uncertainty and tension, which is fun to resolve, the tough stuff will give way to fluff from here on out. Thanks for sticking with me! **


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you for the kind reviews. Also, I want to take a moment to thank several of you for taking such a strong stance against cowardly remarks (by posting reviews and by messaging me privately). I usually don't respond to such comments but this time am going to do so. While I respect everyone's right to an opinion, to bash a story and/or an author, but not leave any means of response, or to post crude remarks anonymously, or with a name but no contact method (Mark Tate), is nothing more than cyber bullying. This behavior is easy enough to dismiss (although wrong). I do thank the reviewer who took a stand against leaving such remarks (you are incredibly sweet and appreciated). I will say this: I find it difficult to take the words of anyone seriously when they 1). misspell the word 'and' and 2). write in fragments as well as use profanities when accusing someone else of being non-professional. Alas, I would rather be "non-professional" or "lame as F*ck" then cowardly and mean. I often notice that the nasty reviews (on my stories and others), are nearly always left by persons who are not brave enough to actually sign in and participate in this community. So, on behalf of every writer and reader who uses this non-professional-by-default medium, I do not apologize for taking the opinions and thoughts of my readers into consideration, and I will continue to do so. **

**I will not say anymore on the subject, as I firmly believe that people who leave such comments only do so for attention (and have not yet reached a level of maturity to seek more productive channels of getting said attention). This is only my opinion, although as someone with a doctorate in psychology, it is "professional", if you are concerned with such things. For those of you who review (guest and otherwise) with valuable and productive feedback (even and sometimes especially if I don't agree with it), I do hope you enjoy this next chapter, and I thank you. I will often review as a guest myself, but never in a non-constructive manner. -Addisonsp**

**Disclaimer: I am not affiliated, yada yada yada... not mine.**

* * *

It took all she had, but the first time Kate Beckett stood in the loft again was a moment of empowerment. He stood close behind her, very close, and she drew strength from his body. The tension that radiated from the both of them was palpable. It was nice to know that despite everything they'd been through, they still had a magnetic attraction to one another.

She took a deep breath as she tried to slow her heart, unsure that physical exertion alone could be blamed for her state of arousal. She had the distinct feeling that her current struggle was more because she was absorbed in the feel of him pressed against her. _God I've missed him_, she thought. _If I am struggling this much, and I was unconscious, how the hell did he get through all these months?_ She was filled with the urge to turn in his arms and hold tight to him. She wanted to feel his lips on her again, to rest her head in the crook of his neck and inhale his scent. She wanted to love him again. _I never want to let him go, _she admitted to herself as she relaxed into his touch_._

The steady grasping of his hands at her hips and the feel of his body pressed against her own as he helped to support her was doing treacherous things to her body. The familiar coil deep in her belly filled her with a delicious sensation and she immediately found herself wanting more. Yet, they hadn't done anything even remotely physical or romantic. The single kiss they shared in a moment of pure emotion when Kate held her daughter for the first time had not been addressed by either of them.

He moved to her side and slipped his arm around her to offer her more assistance as she made her way to the couch. Almost unconsciously she leaned further into him, allowing them both a moment of pure physical contact. However, even in her strong desire to act on her feelings, her body was starting to tremble with the exertion of being on her feet. If she didn't sit soon Kate knew she would collapse, and Rick could sense it too.

_Finally_, she thought as she sat. She still wasn't ready to put too much thought into the fact that the loft was now her home, but was too glad to be out of the rehabilitation center to care. She would continue physical therapy several times a week as she worked to transition out of her wheelchair and onto other assistance devices such as walkers and canes. She smiled at the thought of being able to get around on her own.

As she settled in, Castle made his way around the loft, helping to put her things away as Kate thought about her most recent physical therapy appointment.

"_Ms. Beckett, you're progress is simply spectacular." Her physical therapist encouraged her as she concentrated on remaining upright, on putting one foot in front of the other as she held to the support railing._

"_This is why we've been practicing muscle stimulation in your down time. Do you see how much it helps with atrophy?"_

_Kate nodded, knowing that she could attribute a great deal of her rapid improvement on the fact that someone had taken the care to stimulate her muscles, at least from time to time, while she was comatose. Someone had refused to give up on her. _

Indeed, Kate carried a small black box that contained electrodes and used them at least twice a day. They connected to her arms and her legs, regularly sending electrical impulses to stimulate her muscles. It felt as if her limbs were being put to sleep, a strong tingling sensation sent through her each time they turned the dial on.

"What does it feel like?" Castle had asked her at one point.

"Like a tiny massage using pin pricks." She'd explained. It was truly hard to describe the feeling. It wasn't painful, but it also wasn't pleasant; at least not on the higher settings she required. Still, those tiny pin pricks were helping her move one step closer to independence and she would take much worse for that.

She lay quietly against the back of the couch, taking deep breaths in exhaustion. "I feel as if I've just run a marathon, not walked across a room. Even at that, the short walk required a great deal of help from you." Kate admitted.

"For all your body's been through, you might as well have run a marathon, Kate." Castle spoke softly as he moved about the living room, setting up the pack and play crib next to the couch and adding several soft stuffed animals to it. He knew that it was pointless to do so though, as there was very little chance that Grace would be placed in the portable crib.

The baby was currently resting quietly in her portable carrier, which was placed on the dining room table while Castle helped Beckett to settle in. Once Kate was comfortable on the couch, Castle propped her legs on the ottoman and placed a soft fleece blanket over her lap. She was propped up against cushions, appeared fairly comfortable and he couldn't resist a soft kiss to her cheek. She smiled somewhat shyly at him and waited.

There was just one thing missing and Castle knew exactly what it was. He moved quietly across the room and lifted their daughter's sleeping body from the carrier. He quickly determined that she was warm and dry, and ready for her mother. It filled Castle's heart with joy to know that Kate was finally ready for Grace too.

He placed the girl gently in Beckett's arms, watching as Kate once again lit up once Grace was with her. She studied the infant intently, brushing her finger across her daughter's palm and watching with wonder as the baby's tiny hand grasped tightly. She leaned in and inhaled her daughter's scent, placing warm kisses across the girl's forehead and cheeks.

The infant, barely a month old, whimpered at Kate's touch before settling back to sleep. Castle simply smiled,

"I thought you were irresistibly gorgeous before, but I don't think I've ever seen anything look as good on you as motherhood does, Kate." He admitted softly as he leaned against the wall and watched Kate with their daughter.

She smiled brightly at his words, kissing Grace's forehead and trying to suppress the flushing in her cheeks. "You're not so bad yourself, Castle. You were always at your best when you were being a father." It was so surreal and the thought hit her once again, _we have a baby together._ _We're parents…together._

Kate found that the thought didn't terrify her so much anymore. In fact, it was starting to feel new and exciting. She tilted her head back down, breathing in Grace's scent.

"I love the way she smells, the way she feels." Kate admitted. She was completely smitten with the child, who was currently swaddled in pink. One sorrow Kate had was that she would never have the experience of breast feeding her daughter. With the appropriate medications and hormonal adjustments, the doctors saw to it that she did not lactate after they'd delivered. Although she understood the necessity, she was not happy that her daughter would require bottle feeding. They were both denied something special.

As if sensing her shift in mood, Castle quickly added to the conversation.

"I love the way she smells when her diaper is clean," he quipped, earning himself a classic Beckett eye roll. _God, I've missed those._ He thought to himself.

* * *

Martha and Alexis were thrilled to find Kate settled on the couch when they entered the loft later that afternoon.

"Hello Kate, darling! Welcome home! It is so nice to be out of that dreadful place." Martha waved her hands dramatically. In all honesty the rehabilitation center was not _that_ bad. Still, Kate humored the older woman's flare for the dramatic and nodded happily in agreement.

"Thanks Martha. It is nice to be in a calmer environment." Kate agreed, stroking her fingers lightly across Grace's back.

Alexis came to sit on the couch next to Kate, leaning in briefly to place a kiss on the back of her baby sister's head. Upon witnessing the act Beckett smiled, suddenly filled with an overwhelming sense of gratitude for Alexis Castle. "I never said this, but I'm so very glad that Grace has you." She admitted, much to Alexis' surprise. Afterall, Kate Beckett was not usually the one to volunteer her thoughts and emotions.

Alexis took advantage of the rare olive branch and spoke, "She's so tiny, so perfect. I love her more than I've loved anybody, Kate. I promise to always be her big sister." Kate had to look away, blinking back the tears that threatened to fall. _What the hell? _Kate thought, she was not used to being this emotional.

* * *

Later that evening Castle helped her get ready for bed. Martha and Alexis made themselves available to her in the event that she need help with bathing or dressing, but thus far Kate had managed. She certainly would not have told them if she couldn't. Beckett drew the line at having Castle's family help her bathe.

Once in the tub she found that she was strong enough to bathe herself, and quite enjoyed the normalcy of having a bubble bath drawn. It struck her as odd that she was so incredibly nervous when Castle had to help her into the bath. Once she was seated on the toilet seat she was given the privacy to remove her own clothing. Although it took a great amount of work and some creativity to manage undressing on her own, it was another ability that Kate was glad she had.

However, despite the short distance from the toilet to the bath, she did not trust her limbs with the task of climbing into and sitting down inside Castle's deep bathtub. So, after she was covered with a towel she called for him. Beckett knew that he was waiting right outside the door, but she still hated that she needed him in such a way.

She kept herself covered as best as possible with the towel, but it was impossible to remain completely modest as she transferred into her bath. The moment struck them both as extremely odd.

"You know, Kate…I understand and respect your need for modesty, but I have seen you naked before… Many times." He spoke somewhat tentatively as he supported her naked body, covered only slightly by the towel that she'd bunched up and pressed against her front.

She sighed in frustration, "I know but it just feels different now, Castle." He was silent in response and she immediately regretted her words. She could see the regret and the pain on his faces as he helped lower her into the tub. Once she was seated comfortably and covered by an abundance of bubbles, Castle made to move away from her.

Before he could leave to give her the privacy and the space he thought she needed she grabbed for his wrist, keeping him there with her.

"Castle, listen. I didn't mean it like that." She began to explain, "I only mean that things have changed with me, with my body. It is hard to feel like I did before when so much has changed. I don't even have control over my body, Castle." She pleaded for him to understand, but even then she could hear the _It's not you, it's me_ tone in her voice.

He nodded, but still did not make eye contact. Desperate to convey to Castle how much she cared, she tried once more. Her hand still gripping his wrist, she pulled him to her and brushed her nose against his. "I still want you, Castle. I still want you. I just need you to give me time to be ok with _me _again." She rested her forehead against his and exhaled her breath close enough to mingle with his own.

"You've waited so long and I'm sorry but please, don't give up just yet." She whispered, needing him to understand that she wasn't going anywhere.

She felt him release a sigh. Then she felt his lips graze her temple. "I'd wait for you forever." He spoke into her ear, sending a chill throughout her body. In the next instant he was gone, leaving chilly air in his wake. It took the remainder of the bath for Kate to gain control of her rampant emotions.

* * *

Later that evening she sat upright in bed, going through a small bag of her things that the nurse had given her when she'd been released from the rehabilitation center. The open tote revealed a variety of things, some she recognized and others newer. She sorted through a variety of objects including her toothbrush, a comb, hair ties, a tattered novel and a book light as she sought out her mother's ring and her dad's watch.

Castle paced the bedroom, getting himself ready for bed and secretly celebrating the fact that Kate had not requested to sleep in the spare room. That, he figured, was a big step in the right direction. While he could continue to wait on sex, the thought of not having her warm body next to his for another night, especially when she was right down the hall, was too much.

He knew that he stooped pretty low when he'd placed a crib for Grace in his bedroom, telling Kate that he liked to have the baby close by when he awoke in the middle of the night. It wasn't that his words weren't the truth, because they were. Castle did prefer for Grace to sleep in his room when he was home. He liked to know that she was close by, where he could check to be sure she was comfortable and breathing. She was still so very young afterall, and he'd read that having your infant close by dramatically reduced the risk of SIDS.

Kate hadn't commented one way or the other, although she was glad to have Grace close to her. _I don't want to be apart from him anymore_, she admitted to herself, watching Castle has he pulled his night shirt on. The thought of sleeping one more night in a cold bed without him was unbearable, but they hadn't really talked about their relationship. They hadn't really made progress at all beyond the bathtub exchange, and they'd never talked about the fact that she'd kissed him when she first held their daughter.

Castle didn't want to push her into hashing out their relationship before she was ready. So, he waited. He gave whatever she was willing to take and he received whatever she gave. Things moved slowly, but he had no question that they were moving in the right direction, especially after her admission that she still wanted him. _One day at a time_, he thought.

However, it became apparent in the next instant that the universe had other ideas about the timing of their relationship. "Castle, what is this?"

He looked to her from where he stood across the room and his eyes grew wide with panic. _Oh crap,_ he thought as he took in Kate's stunned expression as she held a small object between her fingers.

The tote bag was open on her lap, random things scattered about. "Castle, what is this?" She asked again, her fingers toyed with the object she held, a tremor in her voice and confusion on her face.

"Kate." He began, moving to sit across from her on the bed.

"I think I should explain that." He began, reaching to take the diamond engagement ring from between her fingers.


	7. Chapter 7

**Greetings dear readers. I've updated my profile, as some have requested. You can find me as Addison Sperry on twitter. **

**About 95% of this chapter takes place in the past. It should be easy to follow. Enjoy!**

* * *

He stared at Kate hopelessly, lost for words and berating himself for having forgotten something as major as the diamond that was now screaming volumes worth of unspoken thoughts and emotions simmering beneath the surface between them. Castle took a deep breath and waited for Kate to make eye contact with him again, to stop staring with panic at the diamond that he now held in front of her. He thought back to the circumstances that surrounded bringing the ring into her possession…

* * *

_Four weeks, four weeks had passed and the nightmare continued. Kate Beckett, now 16 weeks pregnant was comatose and completely unaware of the changes her body was going through. Castle rarely left her side, the exception being when he was forced home to shower and change clothes. _

_He listened to the steady beeping of the machines and softly caressed the bump now growing. "You know, she's a girl Kate." He began to explain. _

"_I know if you were awake you'd roll your eyes at me and tell me that I had a screw loose." He laughed as he spoke, "but I know I'm right, Kate. I've seen her." _

"_Her name is going to be Grace and I saw her. She was absolutely beautiful, Kate. She looked like you quite a bit, I think." He squeezed the hand of his silent partner, placing kisses there as he regularly did. _

"_Maybe you're with her now." He suggested. "I saw you with your mom. I know you'd say it was just a dream, but I remember all of it now and I know that it was more than that. I know it was a sign. You're going to wake up. I believe that Kate. When the time is right you will wake up." He squeezed her hand again, allowing himself to let his guard down and let the tears fall now that they were alone together. _

_He'd tried his best to be strong and upbeat. He was optimistic and saw to it that Kate always looked peaceful and well cared for. Nobody else was allowed in the room, with the exception of Lanie, when they were providing care for her. He knew that Kate wouldn't want her loved ones to see her in such a vulnerable position and did his best to honor those wishes. _

_He joked with Ryan and Esposito, he held Lanie when she needed it. Hell, he'd even witnessed a moment of sensitivity with Gates when the woman had come to visit. Most of all he was strong for Jim Beckett. He was strong and firm in his belief that Kate would wake up. He shared his dream with Jim in completion, from witnessing Kate with her mom, to being told that she would be ok, to Grace. He shared it all and it seemed to help the older man considerably. Most of all Rick made sure that Jim had the support he needed. _

_He checked in on him regularly, was assured that he was going to work and carrying on with his life. He was assured that Kate's father hadn't resorted to drinking. "We're family now, Jim." He'd told the man, "your granddaughter is on her way and she needs her grandpa to be ready and waiting when she comes." Jim smiled at his words, eagerly taking the silver lining in this situation and preparing himself to be a grandparent. _

_He regularly updated Kate on current events. "Your dad is excited, Kate. I love to watch the amazement on his face when he sees how your belly grows. I wish you would wake up to see it. You would hate to miss all of this Beckett." He brushed the hair from her forehead as he continued to speak to her, shifting the conversation from one subject to the next. _

"_I think that Lanie and Espo are definitely more than just friends, Beckett. I know you'd mentioned that they had some sort of 'arrangement', but I think it is more than that. I've seen the way he holds her. I watch how he is with her. You'd be glad to know that your busted head appears to be bringing about a lot of development where they are concerned." His voice was conversational and teasing, as if she was going to throw out a sarcastic comeback or threaten bodily harm at any moment. _

"_Oh, I forgot to tell you-and this is big, Kate. Ryan and Jenny are trying to have a baby! They're actually trying to get pregnant. She's keeping track of her cycle and he's running home as soon as he gets the call and it's a whole__** thing**__ Kate! They are serious about becoming parents. You should see him, it's quite funny!" He rubbed soothing circles above Kate's thumb. _

"_I thought about telling him that it shouldn't be hard to get pregnant. Afterall, you can do it in your sleep…get it?" The joke fell flat, but he couldn't help it. He was met with silence, as usual. He sighed before he stood and paced the silent hospital room. He'd been avoiding the single thing he wanted to do the most._

_He'd been carrying the ring in his pocket all day and he didn't know what was stopping him. Hell, he'd spoken with Jim. It hadn't gone at all the way he would have imagined a conversation of this nature to go, but then again, there was nothing normal about the circumstances. _

"_Jim she's going to wake up, I'm sure. When she does," he hesitated for a moment but maintained eye contact with Kate's father, "When she does I want you to know that I want to… that is, I want to ask you if…" He broke, unable to finish the sentence. _

"_What is it Rick?" Jim asked, intrigued by what could cause the otherwise calm and collected writer to be such a mess. Castle waited, seemingly thinking about what he would say next, then he pulled out a small black velvet box and began to speak. _

"_It was after Jerry Tyson, the triple killer. It was after the first time I'd encountered him." Castle began randomly, "Did Kate ever tell you about that?" _

"_I recall that you had the wrong man, that Tyson was under your noses. Kate was furious, and terrified for your safety, although she wouldn't have admitted that then." Jim offered. _

"_Yeah. He was right there, Ryan and I were with him in a hotel room when I figured it out. He knocked Ryan out and tied me up. For a minute I thought it was over, and then he just left. It was one of the worst things I'd ever experienced-it was the first time I got a glimpse into what Kate lived with everyday; the feeling that I had failed and that he would kill again because of my shortcomings." Jim simply watched Richard Castle, who still failed to explain the small black box in his hands. The black box that looked suspiciously like it should contain an expensive piece of jewelry._

"_Kate was there for me in a way that nobody had been before." He offered, "I'd been with other women, had other relationships, but I'd never been vulnerable before. She knew how it felt, she understood feeling inadequate, and she sat there beside me. She held my hand and simply let me know that it was ok. That she was there, you know?" He looked at Jim then. There was a tinge of sadness when he thought about the irony of their last argument, about his willingness to be vulnerable. _

"_That's when I knew. I knew that I was going to marry her one day." Castle swallowed nervously as he admitted this secret to Kate's dad. To his pleasure and relief, Jim simply smiled knowingly. _

_Castle looked down at the box and opened it. It was beautiful in its simplicity, a solitaire diamond on a white gold band. It was not over the top, it was traditional and classical. It was Kate Beckett. "Shortly after that case I got this. I've had it ever since, knowing that one day I would put it on her finger. I vowed that I would wait as long as it took." _

_Jim reached forward and squeezed Castle's shoulder comfortingly as he watched the writer desperately try to gain control over his emotions. He met Jim's gaze and with tears burning in his eyes and with an intensity that was unparalleled, "and I will wait for her, as long as it takes. I'll wait." _

_Jim nodded, his own emotions getting the best of him. "Give it to her, son." _

_Castle looked at the older man in surprise as he repeated himself, "Give it to her. Tell her that you'll be here waiting for her when she wakes up." _

"_You don't think she'd be mad that I put an engagement ring on her without her permission?" Castle asked. _

"_Would she be any less angry about knowing we had this conversation? That you'd attempted to ask her father permission? Isn't that why we're here?" Jim asked, earning himself an affirmative nod from Castle. _

"_Is Katie really the type of woman that wants to be given away? As if my permission would earn you the right to marry her?" His tone was light and teasing, and Rick grinned at the man's point. Castle waited a moment and then offered, _

"_You know, for all the fierce, kicking ass and taking names, defender of justice persona she gives off, and I will deny this if you ever tell her, I actually think that Kate is exactly that type of girl. She wants her dad to walk her down the aisle. She wants the proposal and the big, white wedding. She's more of a romantic than she wants to admit." Castle commented. _

_Jim smiled, "and that is why you are perfect for my daughter." _

_Later that afternoon Castle paced Kate's room. He knew that he couldn't propose because she couldn't answer, so he came up with the next best thing. Sitting beside her bed and taking her left hand in his own he began to speak. _

"_Kate, I want to marry you." He said it quickly and closed his eyes, as if she would wake at that moment and say "Castle, what the hell kind of proposal is that?" After several seconds passed silently he took a deep breath and continued. _

"_I know you can hear me Kate Beckett. Hear this. I'm going to marry you. I'm going to wait as long as it takes to ask you too." He lifted her left hand and kissed the back of it. _

"_Until that time comes, I'm going to give you this." He slipped the diamond on her finger and kissed her lips softly. _

"_It's not an engagement, but a promise. I promise that I will wait as long as it takes, Kate. If it takes the rest of my life. If it doesn't happen until after this life, I'll wait for you." He couldn't control the tears as they came. _

"_I promise you Kate. I promise I'll wait for you." _

_He allowed the tears to roll down his cheeks silently as he held her unconscious body against his tenderly._

* * *

_From that point on Kate wore a diamond ring. When asked by family and friends he simply stated, "it's a promise." They all nodded in understanding. Only Jim knew the details about how the ring came to be._

_His greatest surprise came from Gates, who upon seeing the ring commented, "I'm so glad." _

"_Excuse me, sir?" Castle asked. _

"_I'm glad she has you. I've suspected you might be a couple for some time, but never was sure. You two work so well together that I hoped. I hoped that she had you to support her." He was moved by the captain's admission._

"_Thank you sir. That means a lot to me and I know it would mean a lot to Kate too." He offered. _

"_Believe it or not, she is a lot like I was, and YOU Mr. Castle, remind me of someone too." He raised his eyebrows in interest as he listened to Gates. _

"_You remind me of my husband." Castle smiled, so Gates added bluntly, "He was a lot to take too." He sighed at the captain's quip, nodding and telling himself that he should have expected it. Gates continued, "my husband was good for me. He complemented me well. He calmed me and supported me. He distracted me when I needed it and he kept me from becoming obsessed when I needed that." Castle nodded, incredibly glad to hear that Gates thought they were good together. _

"_I'm glad you think so, sir. Although there is a possibility that when she wakes up and takes a glimpse at her left hand, at the diamond that is there without her knowledge, she'll murder me." He admitted somberly. _

_Gates simply responded, "I know." Before gathering her things to leave the hospital room, "and when she does I might help her to hide the body." She shot out as she made her way from the room. _

_Castle nodded to himself. All was normal in his universe again where Gates was concerned. _

* * *

_As the weeks and months passed Kate wore the ring. Then one morning he came to visit and found her hand was bare._

"_Nurse, where is her ring?" He asked, concerned about its whereabouts. _

"_Kate's body is growing each day and with her immobility she's retaining water. While we washed her up this morning we had to use lotion to get it off her finger." The nurse lifted the tote at Kate's bedside and removed the ring to show that it was safely stashed. _

"_It might be good to wait until after she delivers before we put it back on." Castle nodded. He considered adding it to a chain, but knew that the only ring that Kate wanted around her neck belonged to her mother. So he consented, "thanks for looking out for her." He offered to the nurse. _

"_It's my job Mr. Castle, but I'm happy to do it." She offered him. All the nurses loved Richard Castle, the man who was so dedicated to this woman that he spent just about every waking moment at her side. It was incredibly romantic and they often went home to berate their own boyfriends and husbands, who couldn't seem to take out the trash without grumbling. _

_The weeks passed and soon Grace came. He was swept up in his baby girl, who was so tiny and perfect. He was too caught up in telling Kate about their girl each day that he hadn't thought about reaching into the tote and placing the ring back on her finger. _

Castle sighed, not sure where to begin explaining to Kate Beckett, who was currently conscious on their bed and highly confused as to how she'd come into the possession of a Tiffany solitaire diamond.

* * *

**AN: Here is some of the back story. We shall move on from this point next chapter. Thanks for the reviews. **


	8. Chapter 8

They sat on their bed quietly, staring one another down for several seconds before Castle's brain finally shifted into gear.

"Kate, it isn't what you think." He began, but immediately regretted when he saw her face fall. _Does she want it to be that? _He wondered to himself.

"No. I mean it is…" he paused as her eyebrows raised, this wasn't going well, "but, not… exactly." His hands fell beside him as he exhaled, internally berating himself. _For a professional writer you sure do botch it up when it counts_.

"Kate, I gave you that ring several months ago. It was a promise to you. It was a promise that I would wait for you." He admitted softly.

Kate's expression softened as he spoke, her heart fluttering as she took his words in. She didn't want to smile, but couldn't help herself. It was so incredibly sweet. Castle continued to speak.

"We're not engaged, obviously." He offered. "I never asked, and you never said yes."

"Because you never asked." Kate thought. She watched as Castle's expression turned to one of complete shock. _Oh hell, did I just say that out loud?_ It became obvious that she did.

"Did you want me to ask?" Castle questioned her.

Kate swallowed, this was all happening so very fast. M_aybe this isn't so fast. We've been building to this for 4 years. _She silently wondered. He waited, obviously wanting her to answer her question. _Do I want him to ask? _

"Well, at some point, maybe. We've never really talked about it." She admitted.

His gaze softened, "Exactly. I needed you to have the ring. I needed you to know, on some level, that I wasn't going anywhere." She smiled, taking the diamond back into her hand and moving it about between her fingers.

"So you went out and bought me a ring?" He inhaled sharply in response._ Oh_, she thought.

"I may have had it for a while." His gaze shifted down to the ring, unable to meet her stare directly.

"A while?" She pressed. When he didn't answer right away she questioned him again. "A while, Castle?"

He swallowed back his nerves and met her gaze again. "Kate, I've known for some time that I wanted to marry you. I knew well before we were a couple. I just needed…" He hesitated for a moment, looking back down at the ring.

Kate shifted and took his hand in hers, encouraging him to continue with a soft and supportive squeeze. "Kate, I needed you to see. I needed you to decide that you wanted to marry me too. I needed more time." He admitted.

She smiled at him, _you_ _don't need as much time to convince me as you think_, she sighed softly to herself. "Castle, I think this is incredibly sweet." She reached up and brushed his cheek, allowing him to see the love in her expression.

He took her gesture as one of support and acceptance, but not necessarily as that of a woman who was agreeing to get engaged. _Then again, I still am not asking, am I?_ He shook his head in frustration, of all the ways he imagined proposing to Kate Beckett, this was nowhere close. This fell short of the mark in so many ways. Beckett sensed his discomfort and ran her fingers lightly up his arm.

"I can take it back if you want." He suggested weakly and somewhat defeated.

She was silent for a moment, considering him. "What if I don't want to let it go?" He looked up in surprise.

"What are you saying?" He pressed her.

"I'm not even sure, Castle. I know I'm not ready to get married. Things are so confusing right now." He nodded at her words, a resigned but understanding look on his face as he stared at the bed sheets.

"Castle." She spoke his name and waited for him to look at her. When he did, she took the ring and slid it onto her right ring finger, much to his surprise.

"Kate?" He questioned her, unsure of the meaning her actions held. Afterall, she had slipped the ring onto her right finger, not her left.

"A promise." She spoke the same words he had. "A promise that until we are both ready, I will wait for you." She smiled.

"Kate, you don't need to-"

She cut him off by pulling him to her with both hands, "Shhh." She spoke against him as she pressed their foreheads together. Bringing a profound sense of déjà vu to the conversation, Kate simply rested against him for a moment before finally replying.

"I just want you, Castle. I just want you."

In the weeks following her waking, in the month at the rehabilitation center, they had made little relationship progress. Yet, on her very first night back at the loft she was able to commit herself to him for the rest of her life. It may not have been official yet, but it felt right. It simply felt right.

* * *

It had been Martha's idea, and it was a brilliant one. Richard Castle was honestly a little disappointed that he hadn't thought of it himself. Kate had flourished at the loft, becoming more and more like the old Beckett as she grew stronger. She'd been living back at the loft for nearly a month when Martha made the suggestion.

"You know Richard, we can't get back the time Kate missed in preparing for Grace." Castle nodded at his mom's words. It was difficult for all of them to watch Kate when she was struck by how much she'd missed out on.

"What do you think about giving her a chance to participate in some nursery preparation?" The older woman stated. Castle's brow furrowed, _why on earth would we re-do the nursery? _It wasn't enough to re-do it just so that Kate could be a part of it. She would never accept that as reason enough to make such changes in Grace's room.

"Mother, I don't think Kate would agree to undo all the work we've done." He reasoned.

"Not here, Richard. I was talking about the Hamptons. We've yet to make a trip out there and when we do Grace is going to need her own room." Castle's face lit up at the thought. There would be legitimate need for designing a room and Kate could take the lead.

He kissed his mother on the cheek softly, "you are a genius." He spoke to her lovingly.

"Maybe while you're up there you and Beckett could take some time to… reconnect." She made no attempt to hide the innuendo.

Rick smiled politely and let the comment go. The nursery was a great idea, but pushing Kate back into a sexual relationship was not.

"Mother, we're fine. I appreciate your concern, but…"

"Oh Richard," She interrupted him dismissively, "I live here too. She is happy to be home and she is settling in nicely. Kate Beckett is a wonderful mother and I adore having her here, but honestly, you could cut the tension between the two of you with a knife."

"We're not having this conversation." He spoke as he walked from the kitchen, dismissing her words.

* * *

He sighed as he sat on his bed, he couldn't deny that his mom was right. There was a great deal of tension between them. It wasn't necessarily negative tension, as they were getting along quite well. It was just the tension of two people who were living in close physical proximity without resolving the feelings of attraction.

There was no question that it was going to happen again, especially considering that they'd both taken to waking in one another's arms. It seemed that they would go to sleep on separate ends of the bed, only to migrate towards one another as the night progressed. As such, he would awaken in the morning to find her head resting on his chest. Sometimes he would find himself spooning her, their limbs entangled.

The feeling of their bodies in contact was divine and both enjoyed those pre-waking moments when they could ignore the world and just _be_. It was Rick's favorite time of day and it was enough for him to resolve that they would wait until she was completely ready.

Kate's physical progress had been impressive, and she found that she was back to doing most things on her own. Her stamina was returning as well, the exercises she did daily strengthening her muscles. The majority of work that remained was emotional in nature.

Kate didn't recognize herself when she looked in the mirror. On more than one occasion Castle would catch her running her fingers across her stomach. He knew she was having a difficult time with the changes in her body, but had no idea how deep her discomfort ran. It was if she'd gone to sleep one night with her body and awakened the next day with someone else's. Her breasts looked different, her stomach was no longer taut, but slightly flabby and puckered where a scar now coursed her lower abdomen.

She didn't know how to accept the changes in her body, but she did know that Castle was trying to make her feel comfortable. His support was moving and it motivated Kate. She wanted to be ready because she loved him, because she missed his touch.

His touch occupied her thoughts a great deal of the time, and frankly it was becoming difficult to concentrate. One evening her weakness for him directly encountered his desire for her and it nearly undid them both. It happened during an innocent exchange, her relying on his help as she dried herself following a bath.

Despite her growing strength, she still requested his help out of the tub. They'd developed a system. She would drain the water from the bath and grab the towel that he'd placed near her. She would cover herself with it before she called to him. It took some getting used to for Castle, as this was very uncharacteristic behavior of the woman that was his girlfriend.

Despite any flaws, and there were few, Castle knew that Kate Beckett had never been ashamed of her body. She had few hang-ups concerning her appearance and so he was used to her comfort in her own nakedness. Hell, she used to walk around her apartment without a stitch. Needless to say, he didn't quite understand her newly developed need to cover up. Still, he respected it. He hoped it would pass, but he respected it.

When she called him to the tub that evening he came. He helped her to stand, to step out of the tub. She turned away from him and continued to dry herself off. Deciding to push a little for the first time, he remained behind her and whispered,

"You are beautiful." Of its own accord Kate's body relaxed into where his was behind her. She felt his breath hitch when their bodies made contact. Her hair was pulled back loosely, the edges of her ponytail resting on his shoulder and dripping water onto his shirt. He lowered his head so that his lips grazed her earlobe.

He felt her sharp intake of breath and heard the sigh that followed. Taking her response as encouragement, he brushed his fingers up her arms and down again. Her head tilted and her neck relaxed at the feel of his lips, grazing kisses down the side of her jaw. He could see the flush rising in her cheeks and could see the rise and fall of her chest as her breathing sped.

Taking things a step forward, he parted the towel that was wrapped around her. It remained pinned between their bodies, but no longer offered any coverage. Kate was frozen in place, her eyes shut tightly against the sensations he created. A moan escaped her mouth when she felt the tips of her fingers graze her breasts. Her nipples became taut against his touch as he set her body ablaze.

_Oh God_, she thought to herself. _Feels so good_. Her mouth was dry and she couldn't resist licking her lips. His lips reached the sensitive spot below her ear and Kate's hips bucked back of their own accord. She felt his erection there, sending a rush of need straight to her core.

Her eyes still closed, she tilted her head to the side and began to place open-mouthed kisses against whatever skin she had access to. His smell enveloped her. It was enough to make her knees buckle. His arms wrapped around her and held her in place and his fingers began to trail patterns down her waist, across her hips. She then felt his fingers graze her lower stomach. She froze at the odd sensation, she could feel his fingers near the scar but not on the scar. It was strange.

She opened her eyes and the spell was broken. She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and grasped the towel, which was nearly ready to fall to the ground.

"God, Kate." He whispered unaware of the change in her stance, "You are so damned sexy." His words pierced her heart. At the moment she felt anything but sexy and tears welled up in her eyes. She tried to swallow the panic as she abruptly stepped away from Castle.

"Kate?" He asked, clearly confused by the change in her.

"Castle, I can't." She swerved around him and left the bathroom.

* * *

He took several deep breaths and gathered himself in the bathroom, splashing cold water on his face. _Hell, I need to splash cold water on a lot more than my face_. He knew that she was having a difficult tie, but was at a loss concerning how to handle it.

After a few minutes passed he made his way from the bathroom. He found her in her robe, seated on her side of the bed. She was quiet. Not knowing how to approach the situation, he simply stated,

"I'm going to go check on Grace."

They'd moved their daughter back to her own bedroom fairly soon after Kate had returned, relying on the baby monitor. While it was good to have the girl close, it proved to be disruptive for both of them, and defeated the purpose of taking turns in the night. With the baby down the hall, one would go and the other would sleep, but when Grace cried in their room both were awake, regardless of who responded.

It took a good bit of convincing, but after her therapist explained the importance of sleep for Kate's physical and emotional recovery, she'd agreed to try sleeping with Grace down the hall. She seemed to be doing well with it, and Grace appeared to take to it as well. In fact, the little girl was nearly sleeping through the night.

That evening it provided an excellent excuse for Castle to leave the room, giving Beckett a chance to collect herself. He still wasn't sure what happened in that bathroom, but something had caused her to panic and he wanted to be sure she had space.

_I've got to get past this. _Kate thought to herself as she sat on the bed. She was glad that Rick had taken a few minutes, taking advantage of the time to think. _I've got to get past this._ She told herself again. The problem was that she couldn't figure out a method of moving past it. She didn't know how to make herself _ok_ again. It appeared that her brain was at odds with her body.

Her body cried for his touch. She craved him, was addicted to his smell and physically reacted to the slightest of touches. Yet when she began to engage mentally she was overcome with the changes in her body. She didn't know _how_ to be sexual anymore, and she wasn't sure how to fix herself.

She swallowed back her frustration as she considered how to move past this. Kate was always very sexual, very empowered. She prided her confidence and skill in the bedroom. She meant it when she told him he had _no idea_ all those years before and she took great pride in showing him all the ways that it was true when they finally let go and gave in to their desires.

_But now?_ Kate questioned herself hopelessly. _How do you take control in a body that doesn't feel like yours? _She continued to sit as she processed things. _Maybe I don't. Maybe I don't process it. Maybe I just let go and feel my way through it._ She nodded to herself, a small smile on her face as she took a deep breath. Making peace with her decision, she tossed aside her robe, turned back the sheets and crawled under the covers.

He found her there, sitting upright and obviously naked beneath the sheets. _Well this is new._ He thought to himself as he took her in. A shy smile crossed her lips as she watched him, watching her.

"Castle. I don't know how to do this anymore. I don't feel like the same person I was, but I know I want to try," she admitted, adding in a softer tone "and I know I want you, to be with you."

He took her words in, nodding slowly. Wanting to be sure they were on the same page, he spoke "I think I understand what you're saying, but to be clear-"

"I'm asking you to come and put your hands on me, Rick." She interrupted him, reaching for his hand.


	9. Chapter 9

_**The following disclaimer for this M-rated chapter should be read in the voice of Barry White. **_

_**Disclaimer: Ooooh Yeah…. You know she don't own these sexy people, but let's enjoy it anyway. Pour yourself a glass of wine, grab some chocolate… not at work though, don't read this at your place of employment…and remember… this is not for the little ones…and now a slow jam: **_

"_**I been really trying' baby… to hold back this feeling for so long..." ;-) **_

* * *

"I'm asking you to come and put your hands on me, Rick." Her voice echoed through the room, ratcheting up the tension between them.

Her heart beat rapidly as he moved across the room. She saw him pull his shirt off before he reached for the lamp and switched it off. Immersed in darkness, she felt rather than saw him approach. The room was so quiet she swore she could hear her own heart beating. It took a few minutes for her eyes to adjust to the darkness, but soon she could see him in the shadows, watching her tentatively.

He bed dipped under his weight, causing her body to shift towards the center, as if gravity was drawing them closer to one another. She held her breath, waiting to feel his hands on her body once again. Kate found it odd how nervous she was, how strange and new it felt again. _God, I don't think I was this nervous when I lost my virginity_, she thought wryly to herself. Again, she focused on keeping her breathing in check as she felt him shift himself.

He removed his boxer shorts and turned himself to kneel beside where Kate lay quietly. Slowly, he pulled the sheet that covered her body back, exhaling rapidly when he saw the silhouette of her naked body in the darkness. Kate controlled her breathing, repeatedly telling her brain to just shut up and go with it.

"Are you sure, Kate?" He asked her once more.

"Rick." His voice came out as a breathy whisper as she reached to take his hand in her own. _Now or never_, she told herself with a willingness to just let go. She laced their fingers together and brought his hand to her body, placing his warm palm onto her stomach and holding it there.

Castle let Kate take the lead, allowing her to grow accustomed to having him touch her intimately again. She reached for him with the other hand, cupping his jaw and pulling him down to her. They both rolled onto their sides to lay parallel, their hands still joined on her abdomen as they kissed slowly.

He began stroking his thumb lovingly over the puckered skin where their hands were joined. They were joined at the place where their daughter had first met the world. Leaning into her he planted gentile kisses along her jaw and whispered.

"Thank you." He spoke to her.

"For what?" She questioned him, pausing her movements momentarily to gaze into his eyes.

He continued to trace gentile circles across her lower abdomen as he lowered himself to the spot his hands were touching. Once there, he placed loving, open-mouthed kisses in the very same spot.  
"For this, Kate" he explained, "for giving us the little girl who is sleeping down the hall." He kissed her once more there. She smiled against his lips, amazed once again at the depths of this man's love.

"This might just be my new favorite part of you." He added. She let out a light chuckle, one of gratitude and of relief. Perhaps if she could take his perspective, see herself the way he saw her, she would get through these changes. She knew she would need his help doing it, day by day. Still, he would be there every step of the way and she loved him for it. Kate sighed at the realization; _I love him with all my heart_.

He kissed his way lower as she let out a slow moan, running her fingers through his hair. His hands held to her hips, keeping her in place as he moved to kiss her center. The pleasure built within her in a powerful way and it gave her exactly what she needed to simply _let go_.

Soon her composure was gone and she gasped his name with each involuntary rise in her hips. It had been such a long time since her body had felt such sensations, and actually much longer than even she remembered. He teased her, slowly and lovingly with his tongue, bringing her closer and closer to the edge of her own sanity.

Finally, unable to take any more of his sweet torture, she pushed his shoulders back. Castle took the hint, giving her body a chance to come down from the high he'd caused. He slid up her body, earning another long moan as their skin came into full contact for the first time in months. As if on their own accord, Kate's hips turned out, her knees fell to her sides and her legs sprawled, giving Castle the space to move against her in a far more intimate manner.

He took advantage of her physical invitation, of the way her legs turned out in a butterfly-like movement, moving himself completely against her. He felt her legs wrap around his own, as her fingers traced lines up and down his side. She took his lead and explored his body in much the same way he did hers. Hands glided across skin only to be trailed by hot, open-mouthed kisses that served to light them both on fire.

Soon he could sense the shift in her body. He felt the moment when she transitioned from a state wanting to move slowly and take her time to a place of needing him to take control; to take her over the edge.

He moved suddenly, lifting them both up so that she was partially seated on his lap, her legs took cue and followed, settling on either side of him and bearing the weight of her lower body against his. He lost his breath when she felt her hand wrap around his shaft, stroking him rhythmically while her hips seemed to move in tandem. Their kisses became sloppy and erotic, Kate showing him exactly what she wanted him to do with her with her tongue. He snaked his own hands between them and could immediately tell she was ready.

She gasped and ground herself against his palm, showing him that she wanted him _now._ Her movements started to become desperate, "now. now." She urged him. Their lips locked again as she guided him to her entrance, allowing him to push himself in slowly.

Both exhaled, breaths intermingled as foreheads rested against one another.

"Oh God, so good." She whimpered, allowing herself to relax onto him slowly, taking him inch by inch until he was buried to the hilt within her. Her walls stretched impossibly, his girth expanding her in an impossibly delicious manner. "Ah!" She threw her head back when she finally had all of him inside her, crying out the mixture of pleasure and pain.

_So good, So right,_ she thought to herself, one of her last coherent thoughts. Soon she began to shift her hips, circling her hips in time with his own and bringing them both higher and higher. She grasped his back and kissed the top of his shoulder.

"Rick." Her voice came in a soft whisper. Her breath panting against his lips as she tried to keep their gazes locked much in the same way their bodies were.

"Rick." She repeated his name, "Do you see it? Do I show you?" She questioned him, a tinge of desperation in her breathless tone. She continued to move against him, shifting the direction of her hips and working them both into a state of delicious ecstasy.

"Show me what?" He stilled their movements for a second, needing to collect himself to extend their pleasure. He supported her back as she rested her weight where their bodies were joined. Reaching up to push the hair off of her forehead, which was now slick with sweat, he pressed her. "Do you show me what, Kate?" He whispered again, placing a kiss on her lips.

She tenderly ran her fingers from where they were in his hair down his neck, shoulders and back. With a knowing smile she resumed her movements, her hips rotating in a slow pattern and reminding them both of just how intimately linked they both were. He could see her face in the shadows of the room, her eyes gazing into his intently as she spoke in a low, even tone.

"Do you see how much I love you?" She asked him, the new level of honesty laying her bare before him. "Do I show you enough? Do you know in love with you I am?" Her voice was thick with emotions and as she moved to pull him even closer to her.

His face brightened at her admission. Of course he knew that she loved him on some level, but hearing the words, the dedication in her voice and the emotion on her face was unbelievable. Completely wrapping his arms around her he pulled her down and pushed his hips up in the same instant, bringing himself more deeply into her.

"God yes. Every day. I love you Kate." He moaned into her shoulder, wanting to be as close to her as humanly possible and never wanting to leave that place.

She threw her head back and let out a cry, overwhelmed by the sheer amount of pleasure he could create within her body with so little effort. She was rapidly reaching a level of incoherence as he continued to thrust into her, his arms holding her hips firmly in place as she gave herself over to him completely.

She breathlessly chanted "love you. Love you. Love…." Her body spun higher and higher, the tightness in her abdomen coiling impossibly in pleasure. "Oh…Ah!" Unable to hold out any longer, she let go and gave her body the release it desperately needed.

Soon he followed, grunting with his own powerful release, collapsing on top of her and gasping for breath. They floated back down together, able to feel one another's hearts pounding rapidly against their chests. They were covered with sweat and completely satiated. Unable to control it, Kate suddenly began to giggle, as the relief combined with the ecstasy.

Mustering up his strength, Castle propped himself up onto his elbows and took her in. With an arched brow and an expression of amused confusion he prompted, "Usually laughter isn't what a guy wants to hear, you know…after…"

His comment only made her laugh harder, "I'm sorry." She finally offered, catching her breath and bringing her hand up to cup his cheek. "It's just… I don't know…everything!" She actually had a tear trail down the side of her face as smiled brightly at him.

"That was amazing Rick, I think I'd forgotten. Oh God, So absolutely amazing!" There was pure joy on her face now as she giggled again.

"I should have done that sooner." She offered, her face growing more serious as she moved her hand to the back of his neck and pulled him back down for a kiss. He happily responded to her, relieved to once again feel the openness, the playfulness that they shared in their intimacy. It was a side of Kate Beckett that he'd missed more than he even realized. It was a side of Kate Beckett that he'd missed more than he even realized. Processing her comment, he questioned her.

"You should have done what sooner, Kate? Had sex with me again, or told me that you loved me?" He looked at her, the vulnerability on his face clear as he brought up the words she'd offered in the throes of passion.

She thought for a moment, the smile still bright on her face. "Both." She responded, wrapping her legs even higher around his waist and diving back in for an all-consuming kiss. He responded with his lips and tongue, and soon she felt the rest of him responding too.

"Feel free to tell me as often as you'd like and I'll do the same." He smiled and whispered between kisses.

She slowed to kiss him deeply, "love you." She kissed him again and repeated, "love you." Their gazes met again and she spoke once more, "I love you Rick." He smiled with wonder.

"God, I've missed you. I love you too." He kissed her slowly then, wrapping his arms around her completely and feeling her circle her hips against him. Soon his body responded and he hardened again within her. They began once again slowly, driving one another insane with need only to provide sweet release in one another's arms.


	10. Chapter 10

** Bellapaige… hahahaha…. Tiny little blue-eyed Castle babies shall take over the world!**

**Quick request for readers: I'm looking to broaden my musical horizons. What are the top love songs that make you think of the C&B relationship? Let me know in the reviews please! **

**Disclaimer: Not mine, as usual.**

* * *

The mid-October air was crisp, but enjoyable for Kate. Like any native New Yorker, she loved the fall more than any other season. Fall in the Hamptons was certainly something to behold. She'd been only once before, but it was still late summer. Now, with the multi-colored leaves starting to fall from the trees and the taste of hot apple cider on her lips, Kate felt truly at peace.

She held her little girl in her arms, Grace wrapped snug in a pale yellow long sleeved onesie and a knit cap. The cap was adorable, a gift from Lanie at Kate's "You Have a Baby Shower." She was tickled that her best friend had gone to such lengths to make her feel as normal as possible, as loved as possible.

They'd surprised her at the loft with a dual gender shower, one that Castle and the boys could attend, shouting "Surprise! You've got a baby!" when she walked through the door. It was unexpected, ridiculous and exactly what she'd needed. Alexis delighted in organizing the event, complete with gifts, refreshments and a giant cake sculpture made from diapers. She smiled as she thought about that day. Although it wasn't a traditional baby shower, she supposed in some ways it was better. Afterall, her loved ones got the pleasure of doting on the actual baby.

Kate smiled as she thought back on the shower. She held baby Grace more tightly to her as she watched the waves hit the shore. "I'm glad you got up to enjoy the sunrise with me, my love." Kate spoke softly to her daughter, pulling the knit cap further down to keep her head warm and protected from the breeze. She smiled as she examined the diamond ring, now resting on her left finger and sighed. It certainly had been an eventful week, and she was surprised how willing she was, how right it felt.

Monday morning they'd driven out to the Hamptons. It was partially a celebration of Kate's finally being able to get around without assistance devices. In addition, they decided that Grace needed a room at the house. They wanted it to be finished before November because decision was made to celebrate Thanksgiving that year together. Family and friends were planning to join together in gratitude for the lives that they lived.

Kate had been willing and eager to head the room design, picking the color scheme and furniture, selecting the toys and stuffed animals. They'd hired professional painters to take care of the walls prior to their arrival, waiting for the room to be dry and free of fumes before they came to work. The light purple walls were later covered with flowers and butterflies, giving the room a garden theme.

By Wednesday afternoon they were putting finishing touches on the room. While Alexis watched the baby downstairs, Castle and Beckett worked through the afternoon with the goal of having their daughter sleep through the night in her very own room. They fastened large letters to the wall over her crib, spelling out GRACE. Kate had a smile on her face, loving how the room had come together.

It was a labor of love and she was so very glad to have been a part of the process. She wiped her hands on her jeans, her hair pulled into a messy bun with tendrils hanging sloppily around her face. She wiped the sweat from her brow with the back of her arm and as she took the now finished room in she sighed, "It's perfect."

"It is." Castle agreed. "I couldn't imagine it any better." He smiled at Kate, stepping behind her, pulling her into his arms and wrapping his arms around her stomach. She relaxed against him, clasping her hands to his where they rested on her stomach.

Beckett could sense the tension in his body, a hesitation that confused her. She remained in his arms for a few moments, giving him the chance to speak whatever was on his mind. Needless to say, she wasn't surprised when he cleared his throat and began to speak.

"Kate, you asked me once about my father. You asked me how I felt about him not being around." Kate swallowed nervously. The last time this was a topic of conversation she'd accused him of not being open with her it had nearly ended their relationship.

She waited silently, unsure of what to say on the topic. "I told you that I didn't really feel much of anything because I didn't know what I'd missed." She nodded against him, waiting for him to continue.

"That's still true. Asking my about missing my dad is sort of like asking someone who has never been to Disney World to talk about what they're missing. Sure I could have some idea, but I really wouldn't know because I'd never experienced it. So, I really don't feel a whole lot of loss or regret, aside from maybe the idea of what my father could have been like."

Kate's face filled with confusion, he still wasn't really sharing anything, "Castle, what do you want me to say?"

"I want you to understand how little his loss impacts me so that you'll understand and respect what I'm going to tell you next." He explained.

"Ok…" She spoke, waiting curiously for whatever was on his mind.

"Thinking about what I did miss with my father crosses my mind from time to time, but it is pretty fleeting, Kate." He paused and turned her body in his arms, keeping his arms around her waist but allowing for them to face one another.

"I don't take a lot of time to miss him, but you? The thought of losing you? What I went through during those long, terrible months when you just seemed to slip further and further away, when the hope of you opening those beautiful eyes and smiling at me again was nearly gone…" His voice broke, tears welling up in them.

"When I didn't know if I would ever be able to see you smile again, Kate. When I didn't know if you would ever hold our daughter… I nearly died. I nearly died every day for seven months. Each day it nearly killed me, waiting for you to come back to me, watching your body change in such a beautiful way and not being able to share it with you." He swallowed back the raw emotion and pulled himself together.

"I'm telling you this because I never want you to question what I would or wouldn't do for you again. If you need to talk about being open and honest, here it is, I don't function without you. The person I was before you is gone. All that I am here today, Kate… it's because of you. I never want to lose you again."

Tears slipped down her face as she listened to his confession, "Castle, Rick…I don't want you to think that I question your dedication. I'm sorry that I ever did. I promise you that I'm not going anywhere. I don't work without you either." She traced her fingers across his jaw and pressed her lips against his.

He pushed her back slightly, "Kate I'm going to say this again …I am going to marry you. I know it doesn't have to be now, but…" Her finger pressed to his lips and silenced him. She gazed at him with a bright smile on her face and tears brimming.

Beckett stepped back and while holding his gaze intently, pulled the ring from her right finger and slid it onto her left. "Isn't this where you intended it to be in the first place, Rick?"

He laughed, pure joy filling his features as he pulled her into his arms once again.

"Always." He answered, pulling her against him and capturing her lips in a tender kiss.

* * *

"What a breathtaking view." His voice startled her from her musings, causing her to smile as his presence filled her with warmth in the early morning breeze.

"I love watching the ocean first thing in the morning." Kate agreed as he approached.

"Oh, the ocean. Yeah, that's pretty too." He quipped, kissing her on the neck and grinning to inform her that the view he was interested in was her.

She elbowed him jokingly, but reached for his arm to catch him before he could back too far away. He leaned in and captured her lips, feeling her smile against him.

"Good morning to you too." He spoke.

"And to you." He leaned in to place a kiss on Grace's cheeks. The little girl simply stared at her father, her bright blue eyes captivated by his presence. Kate rested her head against his shoulder, stroking her finger down Grace's chubby little arm and stopping at her palm, where the infant grasped her mom's finger.

"So, you're really going to marry me?" He asked her lovingly.

"hmmm. I think I am, Mr. Castle." She smiled as he kissed her lips again.

"Then we can get started on siblings for Gracie." He spoke, leaning back down to kiss the baby's soft cheek.

"Let's just focus on getting this one a little older, ok? Maybe sleeping reliably through the night? Eating solid foods at some point? Perhaps even toilet trained?" Kate suggested wryly.

"Well, if you don't remember the first time, I just thought we could rectify it with another…" He reasoned teasingly.

"Well, I certainly don't object to practicing with you, Rick." She arched an eyebrow at him suggestively.

"You know, Detective Beckett, they say that practice makes perfect." She could feel his hand reach around her to grasp her bottom firmly.

"Is that what they say?" Kate asked, leaning in for another kiss, grabbing his bottom lip with her teeth and teasing him.

"Indeed." He informed her.

"Well then, why don't we put Grace to bed for her morning nap?" She suggested.

"Yeah?" The innuendo in his question was clear.

"Well, Mr. Castle. I'm nothing if not a perfectionist." She grinned mischievously at him before adding,

"We're pretty spectacular, but there is work to be done to perfect the technique, don't you think?"

"Oh, Kate" he agreed, in a serious tone, "I definitely think so."

They kissed once again and laughed together, Kate holding Grace securely against her body. Taking her lead, they turned away from the ocean and headed back towards the house. Their fingers laced securely as they carried their baby girl, ready to face their future together.

The End.

* * *

**Thanks for sticking with me as I crushed the writers block! Also, thanks for the twitter suggestion! Find me as Addison Sperry. Promise to get back to both Lucy and my other story "Ultimatum" soon :) Remember to review and add those love songs please! Thanks! **


End file.
